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maydaymemer · 5 years ago

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Steam vs. Sledgehammer

Yep it’s time to review two songs in one. My favourite song ever: Steam (yes, Steam), as well as one of the iconic songs of the ‘80s: Sledgehammer. Both by Peter Gabriel, both heavily influenced by funk and both with music videos directed by the late Stephen R. Johnson.

Sledgehammer needs no introduction for anyone over 40, which means it does need an introduction here. The song is the lead single from Peter Gabriel’s 1986 pop opus “So”, and is his only American #1 (it only got to #4 in the UK, which makes me more ashamed to be from here than ever). It’s known for its pioneering stop-motion animated music video which is still well regarded today, heck it kickstarted Aardman’s career before they made Wallace and Gromit. The song is a loving tribute to Gabriel’s favourite funk and Motown songs he listened to in his youth, there’s even a funny anecodote a read about Gabriel in his early days going to a soul cafe or something and being the only white guy there. To be a fly on the wall on that day. Methinks he was there to pick up chicks, not just listen to the music, which only makes me love the guy even more to be honest.

Steam on the other hand I don’t think anyone who isn’t a Gabriel fan remembers. Sure, when it was released in 1992 it was a hit but was generally seen as a Sledgehammer II: Sledge Harder, and didn’t set anyone’s world alight. Plus, people weren’t listening to Peter Gabriel in ‘92, they were bumping Nirvana and Tupac. On the bright side we did get a fucking insane music video which I love showing to people to get a reaction out of them.

One of them highly acclaimed and the other mostly maligned, but both are typically overshadowed by their music videos. I’m here to dig into what makes both these songs great, and why they’re both intelligent, finely crafted pop songs. I’m also going to note the similarities between the two, and why I think Steam was a more than worthy follow up.

Let’s get down to the start of both songs. Sledgehammer begins with a synthesised flute that goes on for about 15 seconds, before launching into an opening tune that knocks you right off your seat like, well a sledgehammer. This sets up an appropriate atmosphere for a song that combines the clever soul with the sexy sounds of the ‘80s to create a song that transcends past dated into just a banging tune that holds up today. The song has an excellent bassline and feels simply big. Then we get Gabriel coming in with a prolonged “Heeeeeeey” followed up with a more muffled “tell me how have you been?” to take us into the first verse. The song sets a mood and it sets it well, this is bouncy and fun Peter Gabriel, not weird psycho Peter Gabriel (which is pretty much his default).

Steam, on the other hand, doesn’t introduce itself. The song just abruptly bursts into your door after a short bassline with the distinct drum and bassline with all sorts of sounds flung at you. Horns, electric guitar, you name it. Gabriel yells “Stand back! Stand back!” And you almost think “yeah maybe I should I shouldn’t really argue with Peter Gabriel”, especially in the video where he’s wearing a pimp suit to accompany this. He continues, shouting “what are these dogs doing sniffing at my feet? / They’re onto something picking up / picking up / this heat”. I still have no idea what this intro means, but then we transition into the abolsutely magnificent instrumented chorus as Peter sings “Give me Steam / and how you feel can make it real / real as anything you’ve seen / get a life / with the dreamer’s dream”. I’ve heard reviewers call this song overproduced, and I would agree the song is very maximal in terms of production, but I wouldn’t remove one instrument. The song’s various mood changes from chorus to verse to pre-and-post choruses take me where the song wants me to go emotionally every time. I find the “Give me Steam” part specifically to be rather exciting and really impressed me the first time I listened to this song, last year I believe, and it still impresses me now.

This is where we take a look at the verse structure of both songs, which are pretty much the same not just within the songs but between them. The first verses of both set up two metaphors:

“You could have a steam train / if you just lay down your tracks

You could have an aeroplane flying / if you bring your blue sky back” - From Sledgehammer

“You know your culture from your trash

You know your plastic from your cash” - From Steam

Peter then connects these to the message of the song at the end of the verse:

“All you do is call me

I’ll be anything you need” - Sledge

“Whenever heavens doors are shut / you get* them open but / I know you” - Steam (alright I’m cheating here, that’s three metaphors, but this illustrates my point better)

So as you can see this is where the two songs split off. Sure both include Peter’s patented silly sex puns, a Sledgehammer is long and hard while Steam is hot and wet, but the meanings of each song is different.

For Sledgehammer the song is about how sex can be used to communicate and brighten up the mood of someone where words simply can’t help. The philosophy of the song is that sometimes you just need some fuck. I imagine a narrative where maybe Peter and this lady friend he’s talking to through the song have just broken off some long term relationship, and they’re very good friends so they spend some time together playing with her bumper cars and his big dipper to take their minds off it. The song isn’t really about love, it’s about having fun, but as I illustrated with my interpretation it’s not about sex with someone you don’t love it’s about sex with someone you’re not IN love with. So kind of a FWB/rebound kind of thing, though not a romcom version where they get together in the third act. It’s a very different approach to an ‘Intercourse with You’ song and told in a very fun way. The song has a bounce to it and a sort of mature naivety, Peter comes across as genuinely joyful to the woman he’s narrating too, they aren’t using eachother but they’re not in a serious relationship either. Good stuff, Pete.

Steam on the other hand is about the relationship, it’s about that spark and connection with someone. Specifically it’s about a relationship where the woman is cultured, sophisticated and generally a classy lady but Peter isn’t. He’s talking himself down, except for one subject: when it comes to the lady, he knows her better than she does and that’s the most important thing of all. Maybe he knows how to please her, maybe he knows her deepest depths, maybe it’s both but the songwriting illustrates that Peter is just in awe of this woman and she might not be in awe of herself just yet. I always interpreted this as Peter writing about a relationship between classes, but in a smarter way than say Billy Joel. Peter grew up middle class but in this song it’s like he’s putting himself in the shoes of a working class guy who’s in a relationship with someone who should be out of his league, but perhaps because of those virtues have led to him knowing how to socialise he can get the depths of her heart better jan a thousand potential rich suitors and their relationship just works. I’m being a bit old school with the picture I’m painting but a genuinely smart way of basically writing Opposites Attract but without the cartoon cat (instead we get a CGI Peter Gabriel Chair, perhaps that’s not the best trade off). That’s why I love it so much, it writes a geniunely smart love song about a relationship working despite the differences which a lot of songs do but they never go into why they work together. Peter explains that while he can’t know a lot about art or money he does know a lot about humanity (and sex, as Sledge shows).

The rest of the verses follow this same formula, I’ll close the review by pointing out how the finales of both songs basically are the same again.

With the finale of Sledgehammer Gabriel refers to “shedding his skin”. He then says “this is the new stuff”, which probably sounds like a birthday suit reference to you but I have a more indirect interpretation. What I love about the line is that in a way it’s Gabriel saying “I’m the shit!”, predicting that the song will become ‘the new stuff’ as it did. Which is why it’s one of the things I do prefer over Steam, which goes for a more obvious orgasm innuendo:

“Roomshake, earthquake

Find a way to stay awake

It’s gonna blow, it’s gonna break

This is more than I can take!”

Tho back to praising Steam, it is my favourite song after all, I think that song does pace itself better. Steam is a minute longer and has way more variety, with a lot of change ups with an occasional pre-chorus peppered in. It’s a longer song that feels shorter and endlessly replayable. Granted a listen to both of these songs an unhealthy amount of times, so I wouldn’t recommend any of you reading this skip out on them. Listen to them however you can, they’re a great time. Heck, buy the albums they come from because the rest of the songs on there are great too.

Thanks for reading this review. It’s a very quick one drafter of hopefully many that I’m posting to sharpen my writing skills. Hope you enjoyed and I’ll make sure to improve these over time. I have ideas for little bite size and more cohesive reviews of the following songs: Uh Huh, Girl, Babooshka

*note: thought he sung “kick” but apparently not. Personally I think “kick” has a better kick to it, funny enough, in terms of annunciation.

#peter gabriel #steam #song analysis #review #music #peter gabriel steam #peter gabriel sledgehammer #petr fuckriel #sledgehammer

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askdawnandvern · 7 years ago

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A Lamb Among Wolves :Ch 32

Not much to say about this chapter. Just a little intimate quite breakfast between Audrey, Dawn and Vernon. Fluffy, cutesy character moments to make you all warmed and toasty inside before i gut your collective hearts out like a mortal kombat finishing move. Lol, Sorry. I just mean were moving up to the big catalyst of the whole story soon, and so this fluffy stuff might hurt once we get there.

Still working on speeding up the chapter output, but I've been fighting off a nasty bug that I haven't been able to shake since seemingly December that's making my mind all murky. So I'm torn between trying to force it out because i really want to finish it, and having the quality suffer for it. Or go with the flow, and write when it works. Hopefully it will kind of go away, I am on meds now for the thing, because apparently the first run of meds on my sinus infection proved to weak. But hopefully this will finally do the trick.

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Chapter Thirty-Two: The Perfect Gift

Vernon let out a pleasant sigh as he slipped another slice of his Mother's famous caramel prench toast into his maw. With the slightest press of his teeth against the syrup soaked morsel, hot caramel sauce oozed out from its center, spilling out into his throat and dancing pleasantly across his tongue. The overall delectable sweetness causing the wolf to cringe in delight as he continued to chew the scrumptious treat.

There was nothing quite like his Mother's cooking, especially when it came to anything she baked. And while Vernon knew his favorite recipes well, and could do a reasonable job recreating them on his own, they always seemed to lack that special something that only his Mother seemed capable of bringing out in the dish. A certain flavor, an indescribable quality that Vernon could never quite pin down with his own attempts. Audrey usually referred to it as being the 'love' baked into every batch, and despite how cliché and silly it sounded to Vernon, with no hard evidence for the wolf to prove otherwise, he found it hard to argue against it.

Audrey had taken the time to teach all of the Hunter pups how to cook. It was part of her efforts to make sure that he and his brothers were fit to survive on their own when the time came. And while Vernon had proven to be leagues better than someone like Xavier, who seemed to be able to create kitchen fires at a mere glance, Vernon could only describe himself as nothing more than an 'adequate' cook.

At a certain point Vernon had come to accept that his cooking skill would never quite match up to his Mother's abilities. It simply wasn't something he could hone as easily as someone like Malcolm seemed to be able to. Nor did Vernon have a bizarre natural skill for it like Ulric.

How the twitchy, nervous wolf seemed able to duplicate their Mother's recipes perfectly was beyond Vernon. Perhaps it lied in the wolf's extremely analytical nature, and his impeccable attention to detail that made it easy for the wolf to cook as well as their Mother did. It was something Vernon chalked up to being yet another trade off, the gods way of making up for Ulric's complete lack of social skills by compensating for it in his other traits. Still, it made for a great question to pose to his Mother sometime. After all, Ulric certainly didn't bake a damn thing with 'love', the wolf didn't believe in it. Ulric was the kind of mammal who believed love to be nothing more than a chemical process in the brain. It wasn't that surprising, considering the wolf's line of work and way of thinking. Yet despite that belief, he could bake just as well as their Mother right down to that supposed phantom ingredient. And so it made her intangible reasoning behind Vernon's own failings make even less sense.

Still, at least it gave the wolf something to look forward to when visiting the Hunter Ranch. Unlike his Father's mood swings, or whether or not Yuri was posed to show up for a surprise visit, his Mother's cooking was something that was always an absolute good. A hot, tasty and filling meal was a guarantee, and the wolf had come to rely on it whenever he made his way home. Regardless of how difficult the day around it seemed to be, or however badly a mood you were in, Audrey's meals seemed to have the miraculous ability of making everything seem better. And for that reason, Vernon could scarcely conceive a better way to start off the morning than with one of his Mother's scrumptious breakfast delights.

Well, the wolf could think of a few thing that involved his Honey lamb, but Vernon wasn't keen on breaking the house rule again so soon. As far as he knew, he was still being punished for the previous evenings debacle. And Vernon surmised it was better simply to not bring it up in case his Mother had some how forgotten her decree. The last thing Vernon wanted was to once again find himself elbow deep in dirty dishes.

The breakfast table was pleasantly quiet, leaving Vernon to simply enjoy the first truly comfortable moment he had since arriving at the Ranch. That is to say, the first comfortable moment that involved any members of his family. The peaceful solitude of sharing a delicious meal with his Mother and his mate without the bickering and teasing of the other members of the pack allowed Vernon to fully unwind. To allow whatever nervous troubles and worries eating at him to simply slip into the recesses of his mind as he savored the moment as well as the meal.

Vernon felt oddly optimistic despite the day that lie ahead. While his Mother's plan to drag them to the fair against the wishes of his Father should have been something to leave his stomach twisted up in knots, the wolf felt a strange sense of hopefulness. Perhaps it had been Dawn's pep-talk from the previous evening. Or perhaps it had been the fact that Yuri had been more or less prevented from spending the evening mocking him thanks to his other brothers shutting him down. Followed up quickly by Wade's accidental reveal in regards to his mysterious mate becoming the dominant topic until they had all more or less tired themselves out.

But if Vernon had to pick out what had played the biggest role in renewing his confidence and optimism, it had to have been recovering the friendship bracelet Dawn had given to him as a pup. Just the sight of it, even in its broken state, was enough to leave the wolf feeling as if perhaps things were starting to turn around for the pair. Finding the ruined bracelet had been a sign, a good omen in Vernon's eyes, of things to come. And the prospect of being able to show it to the ewe later today had the wolf practically humming with delight as he took another bite of his breakfast.

His dreams the night before had been laced with visions of how he imagined the big reveal would go. Each one a different approach, a different take on how to surprise the ewe with his discovery, and how it had been restored. But regardless of the scenario it all ended more or less the same. Dawn basking the wolf in her beautiful warm smile as tears swelled in her eyes. In some of the dreams she would hug him, in others she would kiss him, in a few she managed to jump into his arms and squeeze him with all the strength her tiny little arms could muster. Despite all the terrible things that both of them had endured throughout the trip, this was something the wolf could rely on to make his little ewe happy. To try to make up in some way for the terrible shaming his Father, Yuri, Ana, and the others had put her through. After over two decades, their bracelets would be reunited. That is, so long as his Mother finished the repairs in time.

Vernon shifted his glance toward his Mother. The wolfess was looking at her plate, carefully cutting her own stack of prench toast before bringing a piece up to her muzzle. She had brought it a mere few inches from her muzzle before she seemed to notice Vernon's wide-eyed stare.

Audrey lowered her fork, raising the wolf a curious eyebrow in response.

Vernon didn't want to draw Dawn's attention, and so the wolf attempted to limit himself to simple facial gestures. The wolf raised his eyebrows, bobbing them decisively in regular intervals, but the she-wolf seemed perplexed by his expression. Audrey tilted her head slightly as she watched his attempts to convey his message. Vernon held back the urge to groan, instead adding a slight nod to his head in an effort to further emphasize what he thought was a rather clear message.

Audrey only seemed more puzzled, the she-wolf now squinting at him quizzically.

"What?" The she-wolf mouthed inaudibly.

Vernon rolled his eyes at her response. Thinking on his feet, the wolf glanced down at his paw, flicking his eyes back and forth between it and his Mother's eye line. As Audrey brought her attention down, the wolf very quickly tapped his wrist with his other paw, flashing Audrey a weak grin after she caught the gesture.

Audrey let out a quiet chuckle, giving the wolf a slight affirmative nod as she returned to her meal, scooping her previously cut morsel of food back onto her fork and into her mouth.

Vernon tried to stifle his excitement as an ecstatic grin forced its way to his muzzle. The wolf had felt like leaping out of his chair with joy, but an act that dramatic would have given away to the ewe seated next to him that something was off. However, the dull thumping emanating from his chair as his tail slapped haphazardly against it was the one impulse he couldn't control. The overwhelming silence at the breakfast table only helped to make the 'twapping' noise it produced seem that much louder.

"I take it someone had a good night's sleep?" Audrey said with a chuckle, drawing the wolf's attention back her way.

'Saved by the she-wolf" Vernon thought to himself, thankful for his Mother's distracting question. However, the wolf's excitement was still far too palpable to keep from leaking out in his response.

"Y-yeah!" Vernon yelped. The energy in his voice was obvious, despite his attempts at stifling it. His words wavering as he tried to bring his cadence back to something more 'normal'. "I mean, yeah." Vernon continued, lowering his voice as he clasped the sides of his seat with his paws to steady himself. "I slept alright."

Audrey shook her head, letting out a giggle as she turned her attention to Dawn.

"And how bout you Darlin'?" Audrey asked.

Vernon turned to Dawn to see her reaction only to catch her looking down at her plate. The ewe seemed oddly quiet. Well, more so than usual. And Vernon could easily see the slight frown on her muzzle as she picked lamely at her food.

"How long has she been sitting like that?" Vernon thought to himself as he appraised the ewe's cowed sitting pose. The wolf had been so lost in his own thoughts that he had failed to notice the state his mate was in. Even though their relationship had been a relatively short one, Vernon liked to think he could read the ewe's expressions pretty well by now. And as he observed the seemingly troubled ewe, the wolf tallied all the red flags in his head that the sheep was now displaying. Her slight frown, hunched posture, lack of appetite despite the sheer deliciousness of his Mother's cooking, and seeming inattentiveness told Vernon that she was lost in her own thoughts. And the frown lead the wolf to believe that those thoughts weren't very good ones. Vernon's own smile began to slip. His previously subdued worries now creeping back up in his mind as he watched his mate carefully. The ewe remained silent, leaving his Mother's question to hang in the air for several moments as the ewe continued to play with her food.

"Darlin'?" Audrey uttered, slightly louder this time.

At that Dawn seemed to perk up, jumping slightly in her seat.

"O-Oh!" Dawn stammered, placing her utensils down. "I-I'm sorry Audrey, what did you say?"

Audrey grimaced slightly, her eyes now appraising the ewe as carefully as Vernon imagined his own were.

"I was askin' how ya'll slept Darlin'." Audrey repeated. "You get to sleep okay?"

"Oh..." Dawn muttered, her head drifting back down to her plate as she picked up her fork. The ewe stabbed a particularly soggy looking morsel onto the tines and began to swab it around on the plate idly. "I mean...I slept okay..." The ewe shrugged. " It could have been better I guess."

The wolf managed a slight smirk. "Right, she's just tired." Vernon reassured himself in an effort to push his nervous thoughts back. The wolf leaned over, wrapping an arm around the ewe before pulling her tightly against him for a hug. It was awkward bridging the distance between the two chairs, but thankfully Vernon was tall enough for both of them.

Dawn seemed surprised for a second, but quickly leaned into the hug, wrapping her hooves around the wolf as he buried his muzzle in her woolly poof.

"I'm sorry Darlin'." Vernon cooed. "I know you ain't a crack of Dawn type of mammal."

Dawn giggled softly into his chest.

"Neither are you!" Dawn retorted, giving the wolf a playful swat on the back as she continued to hug him.

"Yeah bu-" Vernon paused as his nose caught whiff of a peculiar scent mixed into the ewe's wool. The wolf took another soft sniff, burying his nose deeper in an attempt at better discerning the source of the odor. "Don't tell me her hormones are still actin' up?" The wolf thought to himself.

As the wolf took a sharper inhale, Dawn pulled herself away slightly, staring back at the wolf with a curious expression.

"What are you sniffing?" Dawn asked.

"Ya'll smell weird." Vernon said, flashing the ewe an inquisitive glance of his own.

"Vernon." His Mother said with a laugh, drawing his attention back toward the wolfess. Audrey sat with her paws crossed, a mirthful smirk on her muzzle as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Ya'll don't just tell a girl she smells bad so bluntly, 'specially yer mate!" Audrey rolled her eyes. "I raised ya'll to be a gentlemammal!"

Vernon chuckled, releasing his grip around the lamb as he slid back into his own seat.

"I didn't say 'bad'" Vernon clarified, raising a finger to accentuate his point. "I said 'weird'."

Dawn giggled, placing her hooves to her muzzle in an effort to stifle a giggle.

"I didn't think you'd be able to smell Qali on me." Dawn snickered.

Vernon raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I thought that smelled familiar!" The wolf exclaimed.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yes, well Qali slept with me last night and-"

"She slept with you!?" Vernon asked aloud in mock shock, doing his best to suppress a rising smile as he prepared to tease the ewe.

"Vernon." Dawn tried to stifle her giggling.

"And here I was worried about my brothers movin' in on my gal..." Vernon chuckled. "Didn't think I'd have to be worryin' about my sisters too!"

"Vernon!" Dawn whined, trying her best to swat the wolf from her seat. Unfortunately for the ewe, the gap was far to wide for her to reach as easily as Vernon had reached her. Dawn's face was flushed, a red tinge now spreading ear to ear as she desperately tried to hide it with her other hoof.

"I mean Malcolm sure..." Vernon continued. "He may be into fellas, but with a ewe as pretty as you I could easily see him switchin' sides."

"Puppy StaaaAAAaaahp!" Dawn whined playfully. The ewe's tiny frame shuddered with each giggle fit that Vernon's continued teasing brought on. "I-it was, I-I me-" The ewe tried to stutter through her laughter.

"Ah, so ya'll girls bunked up after Ada's bed broke?" Audrey interjected. " I guess that makes sense considerin' yer both the smallest."

"Is that what that noise was?' Vernon asked, turning away from the ewe now trying to catch her breath.

Audrey nodded. "I suppose I should have expected ya'll to have heard it."

"Among other things..." Vernon replied, shifting his gaze back toward the recovering ewe.

"W-what did you hear?" Dawn asked, her tone quavering as she tried to collect herself. The dying laughter now at conflict with her rising tone of concern.

Vernon let out a soft chuckle as he rolled his eyes.

"Relax Floofs..." Vernon reassured the ewe. "It was all too muffled to hear properly, aside from Vanna shoutin' somethin' I ain't gonna repeat in polite company." The wolf added, shifting his eyes toward his Mother briefly before bringing them back to Dawn.

"Oh..." Dawn murmured, her blush returning as she placed her hooves over her muzzle.

"Yeah, sounds like ya'll had a lot of fun up there." Vernon said with a soft smile. The wolf reached a paw out to the ewe, placing it gingerly on her shoulder. "I'm glad." Vernon offered the lamb a reassuring grin. The ewe flashed him a meek smile in return, her blush still clearly visible.

"Lil' too much fun." Audrey chuckled. "Consderin' ya'll broke the legs off a bed." Audrey pointed her fork in Dawn's direction, allowing a little bit of syrup to drip off her fork as she waived the cut of toast lazily in the air.

"So is that why ya'll slept so bad Mutton Chop?" Vernon asked. The wolf leaned toward the ewe, placing his arm on the table as he flashed the lamb a sly smile. "Ain't used to sharin' a bed with a mammal other than me?"

Dawn let out a laugh. "More like Qali couldn't keep her paws off of me!" The ewe flicked a hoof lazily in his direction. "I had no idea she was so pawsy in her sleep."

Vernon placed a paw over his muzzle in an effort to keep from laughing.

"She was cuddlin' you?" Vernon asked in a gleeful tone.

Dawn cringed, gritting her teeth mildly as she broke eye contact with the wolf.

"She was practically fused to my head." Dawn replied uneasily. "She was all coiled up in my wool, and no matter how many times I woke her up and got her to stop, she'd just end up back in my wool again." Dawn sighed, leaning her muzzle against her hoof. "After a while I just gave up trying to pry her off."

Despite his best efforts, a few stray laughs slipped out of the wolf's maw as he imagined the scene in his head. The petite vixen tangled up in Dawn's woolly curls, happily snoring away as Dawn lay awake pondering how to deal with the situation. A part of him was sympathetic to his Honey Lamb's plight, surely. But the wolf couldn't deny just how humorous the whole thing must have been.

"Oh mam'..." Vernon chuckled. "What I wouldn't give to have been a fly on the wall fer that!" The wolf laughed. "At least to snap a photo! Think of the Furbook comments that one would get!"

"Veeernon!" Dawn pretended to whine, but the smile on her face told the wolf all he needed to know. At the very least, the playful ribbing seemed to be picking up the ewe's spirits. "It's not funny!"

"Yer right, it ain't funny." Vernon said, putting on a mock serious expression for a moment. "It's hilarious." The wolf snickered.

"PuuuUUUPPPpppy!" Dawn whined louder, her blush intensifying as she seemed to slink lower into her chair.

"Alright ya'll, that's enough." Audrey chuckled, giving Vernon a playful slap. "Settle down a might." Audrey added, lowering her paws to the table to illustrate bringing the noise level down. "Don't wanna wake anyone else up now do we?"

Vernon nodded, clearing his throat slightly as he turned his attention back to the remaining toast on his plate. The last thing he wanted at this point was the other members of the family poking their heads down here now even if they weren't going to the fair with them. The wolf was having far too good a time to risk letting a mammal like Yuri spoil it.

Vernon cut another slim, soggy piece of toast from his stack. But as he raised the caramel oozing pastry to his muzzle, his eyes once again found themselves drifting over to his mate. Dawn had quickly slipped back into her despondent looking state, the ewe once again lamely poking at her food as she let out an uneasy sigh. Vernon grimaced as he lowered his fork back to his plate. Clearly there was more to Dawn's behavior than a simple lack of sleep. Something was on her mind, and Vernon wasn't going to feel any sort of relief unless he got to the bottom of it. The wolf opened his muzzle to speak, but he never got a chance to ask his question.

"Somethin' wrong Darlin'?" Audrey asked, stealing the query from Vernon's own muzzle as if she had read his mind.

The sudden question had caused the ewe to jerk up from her plate again, her attention now quickly drawn to the concerned looking she-wolf.

"O-oh." Dawn murmured in surprise. "I-It's nothing, really."

Vernon could see his mother's brow furrow at the reply, a clear indication the she-wolf was dubious of the ewe's statement at best.

"Alright lil' lamb, out with it." Audrey said, her tone motherly yet playful. "C'mon now, what's botherin' ya?"

The ewe shook her head briskly, stabbing another piece of food with her fork.

"I was just thinking..." Dawn muttered as she spun her fork in a syrupy pool. "I mean I was curious why everyone else isn't coming with us to the fair today."

Vernon raised an eyebrow as he pondered the ewe's question. It was a good one. One that Vernon had never thought to question when his Mother had told them as much in the first place. He was simply happy with the fact that he wouldn't have Yuri around to pester them all day, and thought nothing more than that. He knew in the case of the barbeque, Malcolm was going to have to stay home to prepare for it, but as for the others, it didn't really make sense. Vernon turned to his Mother with a curious expression of his own.

"Yeah..." Vernon said. "I mean you told us they weren't going, but I didn't ask why." The wolf paused, trying to formulate his next words carefully. "I mean, I know Pa...well..."

Vernon glanced at Dawn briefly. He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence in front of her. "It just don't make sense if we're going against what he said, but only sorta doin' that." The wolf shrugged. "Y'know?"

Audrey closed her eyes, tilting her head down slightly.

"Welp..." Audrey sighed, placing her paws against the sides of her muzzle. The wolfess was silent for a few moments as she rubbed the muscles in her snout.

"I could tell ya'll that I thought everyone else would be of better use settin' up fer the barbeque." Audrey said cooly. "But I ain't never been one to try to muddy my reasonin' about somethin', even if I ain't keen on worryin' the both of ya'll."

Audrey placed her paws on the table. Taking a deep breath, the she-wolf opened her eyes, staring back at the couple with a startlingly serious stare. It was the kind of gaze Vernon had learned to fear when he was a pup, the eyes of a mammal ready to fight.

"I know I said I wanted just the two of ya'll to come run the stand to have fun, and I meant that." Audrey said, her serious gaze remaining fixed and unwavering. "But if Dori decides to stick his big nose in where it doesn't belong, I don't want anyone getting between me and him, understand?"

Vernon blinked in surprise, the wolf still trying to parse exactly what the she-wolf was saying. He briefly turned to check on his mate, only to find that Dawn shared his shocked and puzzled expression.

"The less of the pack around to bicker if things go awry the better." Audrey continued, gesturing a paw toward the couple. "I don't need Zach, or Vanna tryin' to stand in fer me. Complicatin' things and making a bigger scene when it doesn't need to be."

Vernon furrowed his brow quizzically.

"I especially don't need any of them tryin' to say they made the call to have ya'll back at the fair." Audrey pressed her paws together, leaning her muzzle against them as she kept her gaze leveled at the pair. "If Dori wants to try to lay down the law, he's going to be squarin' it with me, ya'll get me?"

Vernon nodded meekly as just what his Mother was saying finally started to register.

" I made the call." Audrey said. "I want you both there, and I want ya'll to have fun." The she-wolf stabbed a finger down on the table.

"The fair is fer everyone." The she-wolf added, waving her finger. " Ain't no law that says otherwise. And that means ain't no lawmammal that has a ground to stand on!"

With that, Audrey's posture seemed to ease. The she-wolf leaned back in her chair, stretching and arm as her expression slipped into something more playful and calm.

"I don't want ya'll to worry about Dori, or the rest of them fairgoers." The wolfess let out another sigh. "I just want ya'll to relax and have a good time. Together." Audrey said with a smile. "'Side's, yer frail ol' mother can't run the stand on her own." The she-wolf chuckled.

Vernon couldn't help but smirk, flashing the she-wolf a dull and dubious glance. The last mammal he would ever describe as frail was his mother. If there was one mammal who could manage to put Dorian in his place, it was her. Sure, Dorian had made a number of decrees over the years when it came to his family. But most of the unjust calls didn't last very long under Audrey's tenacious and rebellious demeanor. It was moments like that which left Vernon to wonder exactly how someone seemingly as wild as his Mother even managed to settle down with such a button-downed, authoritarian wolf.

But the topic at hand had managed to stir some of the wolfs nagging doubts and worries. Drawing those uncertainties up to the surface, and pressing him to mention them.

"But what about the fairgoers?" Vernon mumbled, almost reluctantly. "I mean Ana and Ken-"

"Oh pshaw!" Audrey tutted, flicking a lazy paw in Vernon's direction. " I'm certain those two won't be showin' their face at that fair anytime soon after yesterday!"

Audrey flashed the wolf a smirk, leaning in close to Vernon as she placed a paw near her muzzle to try to hide her mouth from the ewe.

"Considerin' the way they left the fair I doubt everything is hunky-dory in the Loupon household." Audrey chuckled softly.

"But surely Mr. Ruddy, or even some of the other fairgoers could-"

"I'm tellin' ya'll they are far too meek to speak up without that agitatin' she-wolf around." Audrey cut Dawn off. "And with me watchin' over ya'll, no-one'll dare say a bad word to ya!" Audrey said defiantly, bringing her paw down sharply against the table.

Dawn still seemed uncertain of Audrey's declaration, but the she-wolf was quick to pick up on it.

"Aw c'mon Dawn, trust me!" Auddey grinned widely at the ewe. "I ain't gonna let anyone hurt one of my own as long as I'm watchin' them, ya'll have my word!"

Vernon watched as Dawn seemed to be fighting back a smirk. It was clear she was still holding on to some reservations about the whole affair just as he was. But his Mother's unflappable optimism was an infectious sort. It was impossible to fight it off when she hoisted it on you, and she knew just how to work a smile out of even the gloomiest mammal.

"B-But Dorian..." Dawn trailed off, still trying to fight the growing smile she was hiding behind her hooves.

"But Dorian nuthin'!" Audrey spat, bringing her paw down against the table again loudly. "If he even shows his big stupid muzzle around our stand I'll bop him into next week!" Audrey grinned, raising her arm in a mock punch.

That was enough to break the ewe. The sheep burst into giggling, her hooves still clasped tightly against her muzzle despite losing her composure. There was simply no winning against Audrey's enthusiasm.

"Alright, alright." Vernon said with a laugh. The wolf gestured his paws in a similar way to how his Mother had earlier in reference to the noise level.

"We're gettin' too loud again." Vernon chuckled. "And I'd rather not have Yuri spoil this breakfast."

Audrey was quick to stifle herself, bringing a paw sharply to her lips as she smirked back at Vernon.

"Here I am actin' like the pup now..." Audrey chuckled quietly.

Dawn took a few deep breaths seemingly in an effort to chase off her remaining laughter as she tried to compose herself. At the very least the ewe was smiling now, her posture improving as the wolf watched her calm down. Soon enough, the ewe actually began to eat the prench toast that had been dissolving in a sea of syrup on her plate.

"So what about the others?" Dawn asked idly as she slipped a piece of toast into her muzzle. "Surely they at least want some of this fantastic breakfast?"

Audrey let out a soft chuckle.

"Malcolm's got 'em covered." The she-wolf said with a grin. "Whenever they all wake up he can fix 'em some fancy prench toast just as good as mine."

"Maybe not quite as good as yers Ma." Vernon said with a chuckle as he scooped a large chunk of the cinnamon swirled bread onto his fork.

Audrey placed a paw to her muzzle, trying to hide the slight blush as she waived her other paw in Vernon's direction.

"Oh hush now!" Audrey cooed. "Malcolm does a fine job."

Vernon rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Just take a compliment Ma." The wolf chuckled.

Audrey cut herself another small slice of her toast, stabbing it with her fork before waiving it Vernon's way.

"It's true." Auddey retorted. "I mean, that boy's a real chef, not some home taught housewife like me."

"It is fantastic Mrs. Hu-" The ewe paused to correct herself. "I mean Audrey."

The wolf shifted her fork Dawn's way, dabbing it toward the ewe.

"That's right." The she-wolf said with a grin. "No need for formalities with my daughter-in-law."

The ewe seemed to frown slightly at the she-wolf's words. Dawn glanced down at her plate briefly before seeming to shake off whatever was bothering her. Returning her attention to the she-wolf, the ewe's smile returned.

"Thank you Audrey." Dawn replied. "Really."

"Yer quite welcome Darlin'." Audrey said, finally bringing the food on her fork towards her muzzle.

"So, what exactly is the plan fer today Ma?" Vernon asked, quirking a brow.

As the she-wolf slid the bite of food into her mouth, she leaned in her seat, allowing her free arm to rest on the table. "Welp..." Audrey rolled her eyes slightly, lazily waving her paw. " I figure between the three of us we can pack the van up in a few minutes." Audrey shrugged. "I mean, we did leave it sorta half loaded last night, so there ain't much work to do."

"And then?" Dawn asked. the ewe leaning over her plate as she eyed the wolfess expectantly.

Audrey looked toward the ceiling. "Well, then it's just a matter of gettin' to the fair." The she-wolf scratched her chin softly as she seemed to be mulling over the process.

"We can all take the loader truck out since that's really all we'll need." Audrey bobbed her head slightly as if affirming something to herself. "Then it's just a matter of loadin' the stand and getting to work."

Vernon watched as Dawn began to wring her hooves nervously, a slightly worried expression overtaking her as her eyes returned to looking at her plate.

"I h-hope I can help." Dawn muttered.

Audrey let out a single, sharp laugh. "You'll be fine Darlin', trust me."

Dawn looked back up at Audrey with a slight wince.

"B-but I can't really cook much of anything..." Dawn murmured, tapping her hooves together. "I know a few prey meals but honestly-"

Audrey rolled her eyes. "You'll be fine Darlin'." The wolfess said reassuringly. "'Sides I'll be there every step of the way. I ain't gonna let ya fall."

Dawn offered the she-wolf a small smile.

"Plus I know a thing or two about makin' Ma's pies." Vernon interjected, trying to add to the ewe's rising confidence.

"Between the two of ya'll yer gonna do a fine job." Audrey added, reaching a paw out to Vernon's head and ruffling the fur on top. Vernon moved away, swatting back at his Mother's affectionate gesture.

"MA!" Vernon whined.

"Oh hush!" Audrey tutted as she returned to her plate. The she-wolf cut herself another slice of bread and idly swirled it around the syrup pooled on her plate.

"After we're done fer the day, it's just a matter of packin' up and ridin' back home." Audrey continued, raising the sopping chunk of toast to her lips. "By then the rest of the pack should have the Barbeque all set to go. So ya'll can just keep enjoyin' yerselves."

"Ah, the barbeque." Vernon said with a comfortable sigh. "Now there's somethin' to look forward too." The wolf pat his stomach affectionately. "Nobody Barbeques quite like Mal-"

Vernon paused, his attention switching back Dawn's way as the ewe continued to eat her breakfast. The wolf hadn't given thought to exactly what he could offer his mate in terms of the family barbeque. It was a largely pred affair, and as such they never really had anything made up for prey aside from simple side dishes.

"Ma?" Vernon glanced back at his Mother, concern lacing his features. " What about Dawn?"

"Mhhm?" Audrey grumbled curiously as she chewed another mouthful of food.

"I mean, does Malcolm have anythin' she can eat?" Vernon added. "I mean, her diet is-"

Audrey was quick to dismiss the wolf with the wave of a paw.

"Malcolm already has a few prey specialty dishes planned fer Dawn, don't ya'll worry!" With a grin, Audrey turned her attention back to the diminutive ewe. The she-wolf quirked an eyebrow.

"I hope ya'll like surprises." Audrey said with a chuckle.

Dawn giggled in response.

Vernon let out a relieved sigh. It seemed as though everything was more or less covered as far as plans for the afternoon went. The only thing he had to worry about now was simply the outside forces that could cause those seemingly mundane activities to prove rather difficult. Vernon didn't doubt his Mother's assertions about the fair-goers, or his Father. He was sure the she-wolf would live up to her declarations should they be faced with any hardship while running the stall. But even the risk of such an encounter, regardless of how his Mother handled it still put the wolf on edge. He just didn't want anything to further ruin the prospect of Dawn having a good time. But running the stall seemed like the more favorable choice over remaining at the house all day. At least at the stall Yuri was guaranteed to be miles away from him, and thus unable to torment the couple.

"Oh!" Dawn jerked to attention, as if she had come to a sudden realization. The ewe quickly placed her utensils down, dabbing her muzzle with a napkin.

"May I be excused?" The tiny ewe asked. "I didn't exactly get a chance to go to the bathroom earlier and I-"

Audrey held up a paw silencing the ewe. The she-wolf rolled her eyes, flashing the ewe a smirk.

"Darlin'," Audrey replied. "You don't even have to ask."

Dawn gave a brisk nod, and Vernon watched as she slipped off the stack of phone books in her chair before disappearing below the table's edge. The wolf leaned in his seat just enough to catch the top of her woolly poof as it bobbed along the table, and watched until it shifted toward the Kitchen doorway before finally disappearing completely. Vernon watched for a few more moments, remaining quiet as he listened for the telltale shuttering of the bathroom door as the ewe closed it.

With a soft and familiar 'clack', the wolf knew the coast was finally clear.

Vernon turned in the blink of an eye, the wolf spinning in his seat to face his mother. The wolf practically hung off of his chair as he eyed the she-wolf expectantly. Audrey hadn't moved much since Dawn's departure, the she-wolf calmly slipping another morsel of food into her muzzle.

"Where is it!?" Vernon whined excitedly.

"Is that how you ask yer Mother fer somethin'?" Audrey tutted, not even batting an eye at the wolf's distress.

Vernon let out a quiet grumble, placing his paw to his head in frustration at his Mother's perceived teasing. The wolf straightened up in his seat, taking a moment to clear his throat in order to perfectly recite exactly what he knew the she-wolf wanted to hear without error.

"Mom." Vernon said calmly. "Do you have my bracelet on you?"

Audrey smirked slightly, but otherwise the wolfess remained unfazed by Vernon's address. The she-wolf slipped another slice of food into her muzzle, chewing it agonizingly slowly as she paid Vernon little mind. Vernon was clenching his teeth as he waited for a response, the anticipation gnawing at him relentlessly.

Finally, the she-wolf offered the wolf a simple, soft affirmative nod.

Vernon jerked forward slightly in excitement, but was quick to calm himself. He had to keep his composure or he was certain his Mother would continue to drag this affair along. Vernon sat straight one more, doing his best to continue to appear calm.

"Okay." Vernon said with a sigh. "May I have it?"

Audrey quietly scooped up the last of her prench toast, stabbing it with her fork and swirling it within the remaining pool of syrup and caramel. The she-wolf raised it to her muzzle even slower than before, stopping just short of her lips as the wolf waited anxiously for her response. She held her fork there allowing a deafening silence to hang for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, the she-wolf spoke, and Vernon found the food-laden fork pointed his way rather than where he had expected it to go.

"May I have it...?" Audrey tailed off, bobbing the fork slightly with each word. "What?"

Vernon groaned. The she-wolf's sudden adherence to formality was clearly just to toy with him, and the game was starting to wear thin. Then again, the wolf only had himself to blame for keeping it going. He had forgotten the most crucial part of the song and dance when it came to respectfully asking his Mother for something.

Vernon let out an exhausted sigh.

"May I have it..." Vernon offered as wide a smile as he could to the nonplussed she-wolf. "Please?" The wolf asked.

Audrey's grin grew, and the she-wolf finally turned to acknowledge her son. Placing her fork down, the wolfess reached into her breast pocket. After a brief bit of fumbling she extracted Vernon's prize.

'thwap, thwap' Vernon's tail was already off like a shot at the mere glimpse of his treasure. And the wolf quickly reached out to snag it from his Mother's paw only for her to quickly jerk it away, her smile widening into something more mischievous.

"MA!" Vernon snapped, his patience worn through.

"Ah, ah, ah." Audrey tutted, waggling a finger at the wolf.

"First tell me that I'm the best Mother in all of Animalia." Audrey snickered. "And that without my help ya'll wouldn't know hock from yer hackles!"

"MAAA!" Vernon groaned in annoyance.

Audrey rolled her eyes, shaking her head dismissively.

"Alright, alright..." The she-wolf sighed. "You boys are no fun anymore, I swear..."

The she-wolf gestured her free paw toward Vernon.

"Hold out yer paw." Audrey said, extending her own paw outward expectantly.

Vernon extended his paw, moving it just underneath his mother's, ready to catch the precious trinket. Once the she-wolf was seemingly satisfied, she opened her paw, allowing the beaded bracelet to fall gingerly into Vernon's grip.

As soon as Vernon felt the plastic touch his pads he immediately snapped it up, pulling it tightly against his chest before Audrey had even moved her still open paw.

Audrey rolled her eyes again.

"My little Puppy." Audrey shook her head. "It ain't a newborn baby bird, ya'll don't need to treat it like it'll break if ya'll look at it wrong." The she-wolf snickered.

Vernon met her statement with an eye roll of his own. He couldn't expect his Mother to fully understand why the friendship bracelet was so important to him. It had become the crucial lynchpin in his plan to salvage the weekend for his mate. While it now looked increasingly likely that it was going to take more than one weekend to wear his Father down to get his approval for a tithe, at the very least he could make the ewe's first visit to the Ranch a positive memory with his trinket.

The wolf carefully opened his clasped paw, keeping it pooled against his chest as he glanced down at the plastic jewelry.

Not much had changed in regards to how it looked, it was a simple set of plastic children's beads after all. But the fresh dabs of paint and enamel were easily noticeable in the places where parts of the letters had worn away. There was no mistaking what the bracelet said now. The comfortable deep brown satin banding holding the letters together just as they had been all those years before.

"Floofy's Best Friend." Vernon muttered appreciatively to himself, a warm smile crawling across his muzzle.

"Ain't that adorable..." Vernon's attention was stolen back by his Mother. The she-wolf was now leaning both arms on the table, allowing her head to rest on her paws as she watched the wolf's expressions. "Ya'll still get that gleam in yer eye like when you were a little Pup, it's just so cute."

Vernon let out a slight scoff, more at the statement than his Mother's attitude. He certainly was grateful, and the last thing he wanted to seem was disrespectful after what his Mother had done.

"Thank you so much Ma, really." Vernon said with a soft smile.

"Seems like it was just yesterday you were still my little Puppy..." Audrey seemingly hadn't heard him, the she-wolf momentarily lost in her memories. Her voice had wavered slightly, a sadness evident in tone as she reminisced.

But the she-wolf didn't linger on it long, and with a brisk shake of her head Audrey sat straight up in her chair. The she-wolf cleared her throat, seemingly attempting to shake off her burst of motherly nostalgia.

"Anyhoo..." Audrey muttered, adding another few throat clearing coughs for good measure. "I think ya'll should just pocket that fer now." The wolfess advised, waving a finger. "Slip it on at the stall and don't even mention it."

Vernon quirked an eyebrow in confusion.

"What? Why?" The wolf was quick to respond.

Audrey rolled her eyes.

"'Cause imagine how much more of a surprise it'll be if she finds it out on her own." Audrey said with a smile. "She'll probably squeal with delight if she ain't prepared for it. Ya'll can't tell me you wouldn't love that."

In all of the dream scenarios Vernon had played out the previous evening, simply allowing the ewe to discover it on his arm without mentioning was an idea he hadn't even considered. But the way his Mother had pitched it to him easily made the idea trump every other paws down. The wolf knew that was the way he had to do it, the ultimate surprise.

Vernon nodded briskly in agreement, flashing the she-wolf a wide grin before returning to eyeing his treasure.

"Y'know..." Vernon murmured softly.

"Ya'll really are the best Mother in all Animalia." The wolf said with a chuckle.

Vernon looked up to catch his Mother staring back at him in surprise, her paw over her muzzle as her eyes glimmered with what he could only assume was rising tears. But she quickly turned her gaze away, trying to hide the fact that he had caught her emotionally off guard.

"Aw Puppy, d-don't tease yer old Momma now." Audrey tried to sound firm, but her tone quavered with emotion, and Vernon couldn't help but smile.

The familiar clack of the bathroom door pulled the wolf away from the warm moment he had shared with his mother. The wolf fumbled with the bracelet, rushing to stuff it in his pocket as the familiar woolly poof began to trace the edge of the table once more. He finally managed to completely bury it in his pocket just in time for the ewe to begin her struggle back into he seat.

"Need help Honey Lamb?" Vernon asked coolly, doing his best to play off the frantic scramble he had been in seconds before.

"N-no." Dawn groaned, as the ewe began to surface from below the table edge. "I-I've got I-It."

It took the ewe a few moments on her own, but soon enough the ewe was back in her seat. Dawn took a moment to adjust herself, straightening her skirt before finally turning her attention back to the rest of the table.

"That's better." Dawn said with a sigh.

Vernon chuckled. "Yeah sorry Darlin'." The wolf uttered, scratching the back of his neck. "I probably should have asked ya'll on our way downstairs if ya'll needed the rest room."

Dawn chuckled. "It's fine." The ewe replied, picking up her utensils again. "I just hope I didn't miss anything interesting." The ewe asked, raising the wolves a curious eyebrow.

Vernon and his Mother shared a brief glance.

"Nah, just more fair prep talk Floofs, nothin' serious." Vernon replied, flashing the ewe a grin.

"Yeah, I was just tellin' Vernon how he's still gonna be on dish duty at the stand." Audrey added.

Vernon turned to his Mother in surprise, only to find the she-wolf grinning at him with a wide a mischievous smile.

"What, ya'll thought I forgot about yer punishment?" Audrey chuckled. " 'Sides, someone's got to do 'em. The stall doesn't have a dishwasher after all."

Vernon let out a groan as Audrey and Dawn broke into a fit of giggling.

"Great, she did remember." The wolf lamented to himself, running a paw over his scalp as the girls laughed around him. The wolf's paws were still wrinkled from the previous evening. But Vernon supposed it was a small price to pay now that he had his friendship bracelet. The joy he knew it would bring Dawn to see it would be well worth perpetually soggy paws.

#Zootopia #Assistant Mayor Bellwether #dawn bellwether #fanfiction #furry #wastedtimeee #zoosona

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panharmonium · 8 years ago

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crime is doomed

@brambleberrycottage, here’s the long long reply to your message! and i’ll tag @padmerrie too, because she’s asked me for my batman recs before, and now I can just send her this!

Full disclosure, I actually stopped following comic books sometime in 2011, when DC did their big reboot (or one of many reboots, I guess, is more accurate). I’d already had a love/hate relationship with comic books for years, and the reboot kind of just made it worse - it essentially was DC saying “we’re starting the whole universe over (ostensibly to make it easier to draw in new readers); the characters you’re used to now have new histories/timelines; everybody’s younger, the stories you read before didn’t necessarily ever happen, characters no longer have the same relationships with each other, etc.” And it’s whatever, you know, comics are gonna do their thing, but some of my favorite characters got erased from existence, and the others weren’t the same people anymore, and I was just exhausted from trying to care - being a comic book fan felt like being constantly jerked around on a chain swinging around Dan DiDio’s head. I stopped reading when the reboot started, and to be honest I’ve never looked back.

This isn’t to say there aren’t things to love about comics; it’s just that I think you have to approach them with a certain mindset to stay happy, and said mindset is, for me, the following: read what you like and ignore everything else. Literally. Just pretend it didn’t happen. Because it didn’t, probably, or it won’t have, eventually, and even if it did, no one is ever going to remember it. Comic book continuity is impossible to keep track of; there are too many writers and too many years of stories out there for us to really have one consistent Story, but for some reason the people in charge of DC think this is a problem? Editorial teams’ hapless attempts to organize continuity in a way that Makes Sense Across The Board are half of what drives me nuts about comics - they result in reboot after reboot of trying to line up everyone’s storylines and make the universe cohesive, but really what happens is that readers just get completely fatigued by trying to keep up with constant new realities. Case in point - that reboot universe from 2011? Already getting re-rebooted by 2016, because - surprise! - the 2011 reboot reality was apparently just Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen messing with the timeline and erasing 10 years from everyone’s lives, and now they have do undo the 2011 universe by rebooting the reboot - it makes me want to kick a telephone pole.

It’s just...so unnecessary. I don’t care if the timelines don’t add up; I don’t care that there are a million conflicting stories in the canon. Who cares that Batman hasn’t had a birthday in 30 years? We don’t need a way to explain characters staying young - it’s a comic book. Suspension of disbelief is fine. We are all pretending that we can tell infinite stories about these people, and time passes, but doesn’t pass - it’s all make-believe. I just want to read a good story about good characters. Keep it simple.

Because of that, I tend to be a very spotty reader, because I pick bits and pieces of stuff I like, and then ignore literally anything else. It’s the only way to survive comic book hell, for me.

So yeah! Things I have liked:

I grew up during the Nightwing: Vol. 2 run of Nightwing’s solo series, 1996-2009. It runs from issue 1-153 and is completely collected into trade paperbacks, starting with A Knight in Bludhaven and ending with The Great Leap. Quality obviously varies between writers and according to your own tastes, but it’s my go-to for Nightwing material.

I remember liking Batman: Prodigal a lot as well. Nightwing is filing in as Batman while Bruce is away…doing something, I forget what. I think it’s after Bruce had his back broken by Bane, which is an older classic Batman story. At any rate, this book has a great scene at the end between Bruce and Dick, and you get to see a lot of Dick hanging out with Tim (Robin #3) as well.

I like the Robin: Year One trade paperback a lot as well. I don’t know that it’s exactly a “canon” story, technically (but like I said, canon means nothing in comics; everything is canon if you like it enough) and I liked reading about younger Dick Grayson. I taught myself to draw by copying pages of this comic in my sketchbook when I was a kid.

My favorite ensemble arc growing up was the Bruce Wayne: Murderer? and Bruce Wayne: Fugitive storyline. The batfamily (the configuration that I grew up with, at least - Dick, Tim, Barbara, Cassandra, and Alfred) have to work together to prove that Bruce didn’t murder a reporter in his home - and convince Bruce to let them help him.

I also love a bunch of the storylines in the Gotham Knights series - these tended to be more character-driven, which is what I go for. I especially recommend #18 (Cavernous), #16-17 (Matatoa Parts 1 and 2 - huge character milestone for Bruce and Dick), and #8-11 (Transference).

I know at some point I also read Batman: Cataclysm and Batman: No Man’s Land, both of which are long ensemble stories dealing with an earthquake that hits Gotham City.

There are also a lot of animated shows featuring the Batfamily as well: Batman: The Animated Series is the oldest - it’s classic and QUALITY; so well done. Probably the best animated intro to the Batman universe.

I enjoyed Young Justice a lot, though it’s *definitely* not canon and doesn’t comply with the comic book universe - they change a bunch of characters’ ages so young Dick as Robin is on a team with a bunch of people he’s not really contemporaries with in the comics. I still liked watching it, though.

Damian appears in three animated movies - Son of Batman, Batman vs. Robin, and Bad Blood. I’ve only watched Bad Blood, and I don’t remember a lot of it, so I can’t comment too much on how good it was.

Now, to respond to your request for Dick and Damian -

I’m not sure how much you already know about them, so just in case - Damian made his big appearance in 2006 with the Batman and Son storyline by Grant Morrison. Damian is Bruce Wayne’s biological son (though Bruce doesn’t know he exists until this 2006 storyline, when Damian is like…ten years old? idk). Damian was raised by the League of Assassins, which his mother, Talia al-Ghul, and grandfather, Ra’s al-Ghul, are in charge of.

This is a VERY abbreviated summary, but Damian is basically dropped off by Talia to live with Bruce and join Batman’s fight on crime (to ‘take his place as Batman’s rightful heir,’ technically), but he’s a little shit with no social graces and a horrible attitude and also he wants to murder bad guys, which is not the Batfamily’s modus operandi. Granted, Damian has not had the best upbringing, so it’s understandable, maybe, but it makes things difficult.

Damian was almost universally reviled as a character when he was introduced. However, things got more interesting when Bruce “died” during the Final Crisis event in 2008. Dick Grayson (Nightwing, formerly the first Robin) took over the mantle of Batman, and with it, he assumed responsibility for taking care of Damian. (Aaaaand this is where the story becomes a lot like Obi-Wan Kenobi and young Anakin Skywalker, except Dick Grayson is far more cheerful than Obi-Wan and Damian is way more of an asshat than Anakin).

Being partnered with Dick, whose easy personality, sense of humor, and ability to roll with the punches made him very well suited to dealing with “a ten year-old pain in the ass,” humanized Damian in a way that previous comics hadn’t been able to do. Under Dick’s guidance, Damian actually started to become much more likable. He still acts like entitled royalty, but it becomes far more endearing. I love the way his relationship with Dick develops, and how Damian, for all his snippiness and attitude, really comes to respect Nightwing in a way that he doesn’t respect - or like, even - anybody else. Bruce, at one point after he returns from being (not)dead, describes Dick’s ways with Damian as “near-miraculous” - Dick is the only person who is really able to get through to him.

So for those two,

Batman: Long Shadows collects stuff from when Dick first takes over as Batman. I really forget a lot of stuff in this book, but I do remember very clearly the awesome scene with Dick ranting to Alfred about how heavy the cape is and how much he hates wearing it.

The next 5 trades in the Batman series (Long Shadows, Life After Death, Time and the Batman, Eye of the Beholder, and Gotham Shall Be Judged) - I don’t honestly know that I’ve read every one of them, but they catalogue Dick’s time as Batman, so I assume Damian is in there somewhere.

You can definitely check out Batman and Robin, Volumes 1-4, which ran from 2009-2011 (Batman Reborn, Batman vs. Robin, Batman and Robin Must Die!, and Dark Knight vs. White Knight) for four books whose entire focus is Dick and Damian working together :)

After this, the 2011 reboot happened, and everything got weird for me, and I stopped reading. Damian ended up dead at some point, which was a big thumbs down in my book, but then he more recently came back to life (comic books, good lord), but my ability to recommend things for you to read about their relationship fails after the 2011 cut-off.

But anyway, that is my list of recs - I am sure I’ve read and enjoyed other things, and there are lots of things out there I haven’t read which I’m sure are good, but this is about as much as my comics brain can handle. XD Hope it’s helpful!

#batfam #long post #brambleberrycottage #ahh comics it's been a while #reference

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thrashermaxey · 6 years ago

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Ramblings: Thoughts on Allen, Tarasenko, Kahun, Vatrano, the Floundering Avs and More (Feb 11)

***

It’s as if, when GM Bob Murray told the media that Randy Carlyle’s job was safe (on January 14), the entire roster decided to step up their game and become even shittier. Since that statement, the Ducks went 2-8-0 and in their last six losses they allowed 34 (!) goals, which is nearly six per game. This is why a GM should never say that. I like what he did when he immediately traded players and promoted /demoted/waived players. It sends a message to the team

St. Louis has won six in a row and are now 10-2-1 in the last 13. Jordan Binnington, of course, has been spearheading that effort and he has nine Quality Starts out of his last 11. Now that the rest of the team has some swagger, I wonder if now is the time they turn back to their Golden Boy. Binnington has been great, but Jake Allen is their $4.35 million (per year) guy and a former 34th overall pick. Allen was given his first start in nearly a month (January 17) on Sunday and pulled off a win despite facing 44 shots against the Preds. The team, defensively, really let him down. The most shots Binnington has faced was 32, but first game back in weeks and Allen has to face 44? Seems like the Blues are doing to Allen what the Oilers have been doing to Talbot. If they continue to buckle whenever Allen is between the pipes, Binnington could actually steal the job. Especially with the playoffs at stake. But Allen just got the win and was solid, so he’ll be given his chance to take the job back. And it’s early days to be talking about things like that, I just didn’t like the way the team gave up so many chances as soon as the shaky goalie was in net for them.

Another three goals for the white-hot Vladimir Tarasenko. His training camp must have ended (in his mind) on January 8. Before that date he had 12 goals 12 assists and 24 points in 40 contests. Since then he has 10 goals, seven assists and 17 points in 13 games. Once Jaden Schwartz was swapped off of his line and Ryan O’Reilly added in, things really took off. Of note:

Tarasenko, Schwartz and Brayden Schenn have played together 30.3% of the time at even strength, but just 14.3% of Tarasenko’s points have occurred. But Tarasenko, O’Reilly and Schenn have played together 12.9% of Tarasenko’s ES shifts and have helped him get 28.6% of his points. That’s huge.

Viktor Arvidsson is shooting for a Cy Young Award with 24 goals and eight assists. Generally speaking he’s a 50/50 goal/assist distribution player and while his goals are a tad high, his assists are far too low. I think he has another gear that can push him above 80 points if he can play a full season.

The Blackhawks have now won seven games in a row and I actually haven’t seen any of those seven games, so this is entirely a stats-based assessment as to why. Cam Ward seems to have found his mojo with four consecutive wins and four consecutive quality starts, including 45 saves on Sunday. But the top line is flying and the Hawks have also found some secondary scoring. Here are the top scorers for the team over those seven contests:

Name

PTS

GWG

PPP

PPTOI

TOI

SOG

PIM

PATRICK KANE

03:53

23:26

ALEX DEBRINCAT

03:28

16:36

JONATHAN TOEWS

03:30

22:21

DYLAN STROME

03:24

16:10

DOMINIK KAHUN

01:02

13:34

BRANDON SAAD

01:26

16:23

ERIK GUSTAFSSON

03:44

20:45

BRENT SEABROOK

01:05

20:24

DRAKE CAGGIULA

00:03

16:55

Line combos last night:

31%

CAGGIULA,DRAKE – KANE,PATRICK – TOEWS,JONATHAN

22.2%

KRUGER,MARCUS – PERLINI,BRENDAN – SAAD,BRANDON

18.5%

DEBRINCAT,ALEX – KAHUN,DOMINIK – STROME,DYLAN

10.1%

ANISIMOV,ARTEM – HAYDEN,JOHN – KUNITZ,CHRIS

I don’t think the goaltending has stepped up its game too much – Collin Delia has slipped a little, and although Ward has had four tremendous outings, it’s easier to do that if the offense is humming. I think this all stems from Caggiula being moved to the Kane line. It has had the following domino effect:

Toews and Caggiula have seen a production bump

Kahun and DeBrincat have moved to play with Strome on some sort of Kid Line, to the benefit of all three. Even Strome’s production hasn’t suffered despite losing Kane.

With two great scoring lines, Chicago has become lethal. And despite getting the redheaded stepchild treatment, Saad is giving the team a threat on the third line.

Jeremy Colliton has done an excellent job with Strome. He put him on a depth line early on in order to ease him in and ease the pressure. Then he joined Strome at the hip with Kane, allowing him to flourish offensively. And now that Strome is full of swagger and confidence, he’s back with his talented buddy DeBrincat and another peer his age.

Kahun has also been brought along beautifully, being given steady ice time. Not on the top line, but always with talent and without really being put in the doghouse despite stretches of lesser production. And now it’s really paying off. He has seven points in the last four games.

Jeff Blashill should take a page out of that book. For the third time in five games, rookie Michael Rasmussen saw less than 10 minutes of ice time. Kahun hasn’t been under 10 minutes of ice time all season. A young player with top six upside should never see ice time like that. Ever. Send him down, if it ever gets to that point.

The Avalanche are really flailing, with a 3-12-5 record over the last 20 games and it’s only been getting worse. This has been a one-line team all season long, except that line has been the best line in the entire league for half a season. It was a crazy, unsustainable pace and now Nathan MacKinnon, Gabriel Landeskog and Mikko Rantanen have come down to earth. In the last 11 games, MacKinnon has eight points, Rantanen has seven and Landeskog has six. Previously, those numbers would have been 16, 17 and 14. You can see how this results in a losing streak.

In the last 11 games, Carl Soderberg has actually led the team in scoring (nine points).

I was offered Semyon Varlamov in one of my leagues Sunday and I don’t know if I can even give up three middling draft picks for him. That’s how confident I am in how quickly this will turn around for him and the team (i.e. not very). I’m still thinking about it.

It’s not for lack of effort on the part of Landeskog – he fired 10 shots on goal in their 2-1 loss yesterday.

Brad Marchand has had four consecutive two-point games. He has 18 points in his last eight games. He’s closed the gap on David Pastrnak and is now at 65 points to Pasta’s 66 to lead the team.

Dustin Byfuglien has been back for three games now and has been given almost exclusive PP time as the QB. He doesn’t have any PPPts. Meanwhile, the heir apparent Josh Morrissey still picked up a point and so did Jacob Trouba. The torch hasn’t been passed yet, but Morrissey is probably going to take that torch before it’s given to him. It may not be this year (probably not, unless Buffy is injured again), but I think it will happen.

With two assists Sunday, Nino Niederreiter is up to nine points in 10 games with his new team.

Circling back to my point about young players with upside getting poor ice time and having their development suffer as a result, Pavel Zacha is another prime example of this. Now 21, Zacha is actually getting reasonable ice time this season and still has a shot at a future. He has four points in his last seven games. I’d like to see a big step next season from him, to the tune of 50 points. If it doesn’t happen then I fear his treatment of the last two seasons will indeed have cost him. I’m pulling for him.

Nico Hischier has seven points in his last six games and 18 in his last 22. This is a direct result of Taylor Hall being sidelined and Hischier becoming the man.

Bruce Boudreau and the Wild are starting to see what any statistical analyst (like myself) has seen for a couple of years now, and that is that Victor Rask isn’t very good anymore. His ice time has been slashed. He’s been down to seven minutes per game. He’s been demoted to the fourth line with Eric Fehr and Kyle Rau.

With another one last night, defenseman Ryan Pulock has seven points in his last four games. Pulock is a future elite defenseman and frankly I had figured that this would be the year he took that step. But Nick Leddy has still been given the PP time. But as with Morrissey (noted above), Pulock will have to seize that respect and opportunity. He’s more talented, but has to make it happen. Right now he’s doing just that.

Evgenii Dadonov, who had been one of the most consistent players in the entire league through much of the first half, was held pointless Sunday and is now at just nine points in his last 22.

Another goal Sunday and Frank Vatrano has 19 on the season. He has 13 points in his last 13 games. He’s on a line with Vincent Trocheck and Jonathan Huberdeau so strike while the iron is hot. Provided he stays healthy, which is a big drawback with him, he has enough talent to continue putting up decent points. The Panthers have a nice distribution of offense now thanks to Derrick Brassard up on the top line with Aleksander Barkov and Dadonov, and a third line of Henrik Borgstrom, Mike Hoffman and Riley Sheahan. The situation really helps Vatrano and Brassard, and honestly hurts Hoffman.

I guess the star of the night should be Alexandar Georgiev, who absolutely stole the game for the Rangers. He stopped 55 of 56 shots! Since giving up seven goals on January 13, Georgiev has put up three very good starts. By the way, Sunday was his birthday.

Nazem Kadri had 12 of those shots. He is pointless in six games and is clearly stepping up his game to make something happen.

See you next Monday.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-thoughts-on-allen-tarasenko-kahun-vatrano-the-floundering-avs-and-more-feb-11/

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oldguardaudio · 7 years ago

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Joan Swirsky Explains 🔥 Obama’s Bunker Festers in The Swamp

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8:43 PM (11 hours ago)

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http://canadafreepress.com/article/obamas-bunker-festers-in-the-swamp

Obama’s Bunker Festers in The Swamp

By Joan Swirsky —— Bio and Archives—February 4, 2018

Once upon a time, a seasoned political operative ran for President of the United States against a candidate who had virtually no political experience.

She––Democrat Ms. Hillary Clinton––former First Lady of Arkansas, former First Lady of the United States, former U.S. Senator from New York, former Secretary of State under the faux “president” Barack Obama, was clearly the favorite.

Her opponent––Republican Mr. Donald J. Trump––the billionaire builder who lived in the American version of the Palace of Versailles in Manhattan and in several other resplendent homes around the country and the world, who hosted two wildly successful TV shows, who owned casinos and built golf courses and was a favorite of tabloid magazines, and who had been lionized and courted by the Hollywood crowd, the media whores, and both Democrats and Republicans for his generous contributions, was the clear loser.

Ha ha ha sputtered the political experts. The idea that this neophyte, this (pardon the expression) capitalist could go up against a representative of the outgoing Big Government regime––which brought us socialized medicine (Obamacare) and socialized education (Common Core) and 94-million unemployed Americans and strangulating regulations and horrific trade deals and a foreign policy that bowed deeply to our enemies and spit in the faces of our faithful allies––well that just struck the experts as preposterous.

With the powerful Clinton Machine behind her, the endorsement of the outgoing faux “president,” the immense help of rigged-election experts like ACORN, the incalculable assistance of a bought-and-paid-for leftwing media, and with the good-old-reliable votes of feminists and blacks and Hispanics and gays and all the other groups that stupidly believe Democrats have helped them over the past 60 years, Hillary had no competition at all.

THE BEST-KEPT SECRET

The cocky Hillary supporters believed that millions of deplorable Americans failed to notice their candidate’s frequent coughing fits, the help she needed simply to ascend three stairs, her peculiar head-bobbing spasms, the cringe-producing effect of her strident voice, and her frequent absences from the campaign trail, not to mention her promising more of the same socialist-cum-communist policies that had failed so miserably for the previous eight years..

They also failed to realize that her opponent had hired an extremely savvy pollster.

That pollster told candidate Trump, on a daily and sometimes hourly basis, how Americans throughout the country were responding to his America First message. And it was all good. And it was a secret that the entire Trump Team kept to themselves.

Or so they thought. But the information that was so damning for Hillary’s candidacy apparently reached the corrupt upper echelons of Obama’s Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and Department of Justice (DOJ), and scared them enough to hatch an illegal, seditious, unconstitutional plot to derail the Trump candidacy and, failing that, the Trump presidency.

For months on end, fake polls, as reported by fake news shills, told us that Hillary was a slam-dunk. Right up to 8 p.m. on the night of November 8, 2016, when the entire leftwing media started to wipe the avalanche of egg yolks dripping down their faces.

TRYING TO BRING DOWN A PRESIDENT

To those of us who supported Mr. Trump from the beginning––I wrote an article back in 2011 entitled “Trump is Already Running the Country”––it was clear that every now and then in American history, someone comes along to save our country from those who hate it.

FDR is in this category, bolstering America’s spirits through the worst Depression in our history and a devastating World War (although I personally revile Roosevelt for condemning six-million Jews to annihilation when he could and should have bombed the concentration camps in Germany and Poland to which Hitler condemned his defenseless victims).

Abraham Lincoln is in this category, miraculously uniting our country after the ferocious Civil War that almost tore it apart.

President Trump belongs in this category, accomplishing more that is good for America in one year in office than any chief executive in our history––all while the clinically hysterical liberals in the media and among the populace continued to beleaguer, hound, protest, vilify, insult and harass him, and when ill-intentioned actors from Obama’s DOJ and FBI put their malevolent plot into action, a plot that accused both candidate and President Trump of colluding with Russians to swing the election his way.

To this malicious end, they did the following:

Hired British spy Christopher Steele (who admitted in writing that he “hated” candidate Trump) to create a phony story about the Republican candidate being in a Russian hotel engaging is raunchy acts with a prostitute;

Hired the political opposition-research group Fusion GPS to distribute the phony info.

Paid for this sham scenario with multimillions of dollars from both Hillary’s campaign coffers and the Democratic National Committee’s monies;

Went to the judges of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court to apply for a search warrant without informing the judges about (1) the Trump-loathing spy’s bias, and (2) who paid for the warrant. By the way, who are these judges and exactly who appointed them???

Obtained the warrant which allowed the partisan hacks from Obama’s DOJ and FBI to conduct a more than year-long collusion investigation which produced NOTHING!

Oops… make that something. It produced hard, cold, concrete, irrefutable, and to my mind indictable evidence that the people who were in collusion were––ta da––the corrupt upper echelon of the DOJ and FBI who lied to the FISA judges, as well as Hillary Clinton who as Sec. of State gave 20 percent of U.S. uranium to the Russians (similar to her husband Bill giving nukes to North Korea and their ideological clone Barack Obama giving nukes to Iran!).

WHAT’S MISSING FROM THIS PICTURE?

For well over a year, we’ve had the fishy FISA memo, former FBI director James Comey being accused of covering up Hillary’s crimes, the witch hunt of President Trump by another former FBI director Robert Mueller, CA Democrat Adam Schiff’s manic attempts to impeach the president, the media’s narcotizing anti-Trump talking points, and the few lone voices––vox clamantis en deserto––in the conservative media, but what do they all have in common? What is missing?

Not outrage…they are all outraged.

Not accusations…the right blames the left and the left blames the right.

Not plain talk…conservative Sean Hannity has been clear as a bell, as are the leftist bought-and-paid-for shills on every leftwing news outlet, both electronic and print.

While all of them pointed fingers, cast blame, railed against the “system” they thought was crooked or biased or partisan, the elephant in the room––the subject they never raised, the person they never mentioned as the arch architect of the entire illegal corrupt plan to derail the Trump presidency––BARACK OBAMA!

Does anyone really believe that FISA warrants can be submitted or obtained by any underling in the American government? Of course not! That request has to come––or at least be approved––directly from the Oval Office.

Does anyone really believe that the anti-Trump talking points, rallies, vigils, disparaging articles, and orchestrated hatred is spontaneous? Of course not! They come directly from groups like Organizing For America, which was formed by the former community organizer Barack Obama with the express intent of dismantling traditional American institutions and converting them into the socialist and communist regimes they most admire.

According to journalist and author Paul Sperry, Obama sent a message to his “troops” saying that he “was heartened by anti-Trump protests. Yes,” says Sperry, “Obama has an army of agitators — numbering more than 30,000— who will fight his Republican successor at every turn of his historic presidency. And Obama will command them from a bunker less than two miles from the White House.”

Ah… the bitterness.

A FEW EXCEPTIONS

To their credit, a few people––so far––have cited Obama as a central player––probably the central player––in the Russian-collusion fiasco. As CanadaFreePress.com editor Judi McLeod has written, “One day after the release of the Memo, we should all be asking, `Where is Obama?’ Why is he so stonily silent…? The answer is that the scurrilous Obama, just like Steele, went into hiding. The Memo proves that the FBI is not just part of a USA intelligence apparatus that systematically spies on its own American citizenry, it paid…for filth completely made up by a foreign agent with whom they were in tight ‘Hate Donald Trump’ league.”

Daniel Greenfield, in an article entitled The Memo Reveals the Coup against America, writes that “the Democrats and the media spent a week lying to the American people about the `memo’”…claiming its release would be damaging to America’s spying and even treasonous. But “they didn’t mean American spying methods––they meant Obama’s spying methods.”

“The memo isn’t treasonous,” Greenfield continues. “It reveals a treasonous effort by the Democrats to use our intelligence agencies to rig an election and overturn the will of the voters. Today, the media and Dems switched from claiming that the memo was full of `classified information’ that might get CIA agents killed by insisting that it was a dud and didn’t matter. Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive.”

And the other night the Fox News moderator Jesse Watters called out Obama for his significant role in this orgy of corruption.

But where are the other voices to identify the virulence––and jealousy––of the anti-Trump minions? And particularly Barack Obama’s role?

As I wrote in a former article, “James Comey and the Stinking Fish Factor”––“Whether it’s in industry or the military or sports or show business, if a failure occurs, it’s always the top dog who is accountable. Not the assembly line worker or the buck private or the third baseman who calls the shots, but the one who occupies the ultimate seat of power. Look at what happened at the Democratic National Committee…the Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer, Chief of Communications, and Chairwoman all resigned because of the hacking that proved the DNC to be both crooked and racist.”

So it is with the putative head of the Democrat Party, Barack Obama. And it’s not just jealousy or ideology that drives his obsession––it’s fear! All the honchos under Obama––John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, James Comey, Loretta Lynch, John Podesta, Obama himself, the list is long––quake with dread that their own scandals, acts of malfeasance, controversies, and possible illegalities will be unearthed and come to light during the Trump years and they will all be frog-marched straight into Leavenworth…hence the mad quest to frame the president and get him out of office.

They should be afraid. And they should be remorseful for their shabby tactics and constitutional violations. But if Hillary Clinton is an example of the left’s craven sociopathy––and I think she is the prime example––the American public can expect no apologies and no regrets but rather the same evasions, deceptions and lies that the Obama gang raised to an art form during his ignominious eight years in office.

In fact, not only is Hillary credited with creating the Russian-collusion fakery but as writer Mark Tapscott so thoroughly documents, the Clintons have been using the FBI against their enemies for years.

It is doubtful that when candidate Trump promised to “drain the swamp,” he had even an inkling of the vast number of slithering, predatory, reptilian creatures who inhabited that toxic environment. But being the smartest guy in the room, and a quick study at that, you can bet that he will decontaminate the place as swiftly as he pushed through the biggest tax and jobs bill in history.

For that, he will gain the eternal gratitude of the American people, a huge majority of the candidates he endorses in the midterms, and a thunderous reelection in 2020.

Joan Swirsky Explains 🔥 Obama’s Bunker Festers in The Swamp Joan Swirsky Explains 🔥 Obama’s Bunker Festers in The Swamp Joan Swirsky

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plms-hockey · 7 years ago

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Leafs @ Canadiens - Game 21 - Nov.18.17

KEY NARRATIVES

Toronto Maple Leafs (13-7-0) vs Montreal Canadiens (8-10-2)

Last time the Leafs faced off against the Canadiens, the Leafs' had only played four games and the Habs had a very different set of problems than they do today. They'd been in the middle of a wild scoring drought that seemed to make real the most terrifying of French-Canadian nightmares. Not surprisingly, the underlying stats were right in predicting a positive regression for the Habs. While far from the highest scoring team in the league, a more reasonable shooting percentage of 7.14 since the beginning of November has had them finding the back of the net at a more reasonable rate.

Instead, the big problem for the Canadiens can be found a lot closer to the net than it in October. Both Carey Price and backup Al Montoya are on the injured reserve list. While rookie Charlie Lindgren was called up and has posted a gold standard .938 save percentage in his six starts, this week Montreal also claimed Antti Niemi off waivers.

This makes the Canadiens Niemi's third team of the year, before American Thanksgiving. He began the season with Pittsburgh but then was caved in in all three starts with the team, only putting up a .797 save percentage. Florida didn't go well either and he was placed on waivers after just two games. At that point, you'd expect him to sit quietly in the minors, awaiting only the direst emergency. But no – Montreal wanted him. Because he's experienced.

The best hope for the Habs is that Price's injury, which has kept him out for the last two weeks, is really as minor as he says. Otherwise, a combination of a twenty-four-year-old rookie goalie and Antti Niemi for an extended period of time doesn't bode well for Montreal's already dicey playoff chances.

While the Habs are out their superstar, it looks like the Leafs may finally see theirs return. While Auston Matthews has been listed as a game-time decision, he's been practicing with the team and Mike Babcock implied things were looking good for his return.

Should Matthews return to the lineup, my best guess would be that the Leafs return to the lineup configuration from the beginning of the season to maintain the JvR-Bozak-Marner line which seems to have got its groove back. This would have Marleau back on Kadri's wing, Moore centering the fourth line, and Soshnikov and Leivo in the press box.

On Josh Leivo: the always-a-bridesmaid winger just signed a year-long extension with the Maple Leafs, to the surprise of some. As touched on before, the twenty-four-year-old's situation has been unique in the organization. He's definitely good enough to make an NHL team, but not better than Hyman, Nylander, Marleau, JvR, Marner, or Brown. That leaves Leivo to oust Leo Komarov (not likely due to Leo's penalty kill use) or Matt Martin (unfortunately it's just not gonna happen there), or wait for an injury which has actually been a rare occurrence for the Leafs. Leivo is also not waiver exempt, which has a side effect of Kapanen and Soshnikov getting sent down to the Marlies more often than they otherwise would. The Leafs can’t send Leivo down as there's at least ten if not more teams that would kill for a cheap, likely 15+ goal winger like Leivo.

After protecting Leivo in the expansion draft last year, it was clear that the Leafs at least had some plan for Leivo, even if that was to trade him, especially considering the last quirk in Leivo's situation. In the simplest terms, due to how many games he's not played while on the NHL roster, if Leivo hadn't played 39 games with an NHL club this season, he would trigger a rare unrestricted free agency status over the summer. Due to the growing "Free Leivo" voices among fans, some were shocked to find out that he'd signed an extension with the Leafs which invalidates his claim to free agency in the summer.

In my humble opinion, I think it makes sense. I don't really buy into the "mistreatment of Leivo" narrative, considering he's currently getting an NHL salary to do exactly what he has been: be ready. It's possible the contract simply makes him more attractive as a trade piece, but I think it's important to remember that Leo Komarov, James van Riemsdyk, and Tyler Bozak are all UFAs over the summer and it's extremely unlikely the Leafs will keep all of them with how expensive this team is going to get over the next few years. From my point of view it doesn't seem impossible that Leivo is being patient knowing that there's a spot for him on this team in the future.

Some Key Numbers

92 - Jonathan Drouin - Center 27 - Alex Galchenyuk - Left Wing 67 - Max Pacioretty - Left Wing 6 - Shea Weber - Defenseman 11 - Brendan Gallagher - Right Wing

THE HIGHLIGHTS

youtube

THE POST GAME

Score: W 6-0

To be completely honest, I wanted to just make this post game a compilation of goal celebration gifs.

I honestly don't know what the best part of this game was. Was it the fact that Andersen got his second shutout in a row and pulled his sv% all the way up to .914? Was the fact that Auston Matthews scored a pair beautifully unnecessary goals at the end of the game to silence any doubt surrounding his return? Or was it simply the number of times that they aired shots of a dead-eyed Marc Bergevin*?

Really it was all great.

In spite of the Leafs getting clobbered in terms of shot share in the first half of the first period, a somewhat annoying habit they've been developing lately, they didn't look outmatched against Montreal. At some point, though, the Leafs turned on the gas and only got better as the game progressed. While CF% was fairly even throughout the game, Montreal got blown out of the water in expected goals share, with the Leafs accumulating 62.56% at even strength. A lot of that came from the third period where, even though the Habs were shooting, they couldn't seem to get anywhere near the net to do so. Meanwhile, it seemed like the Leafs were magnetically drawn to the blue paint.

We got to see a few things we hadn't seen before in this game. At just around the halfway mark, before the scoring opened up, something happened that caused Babcock to throw the lines (which were the season starters) in the blender. My theory is, since home team controls matchups, he wanted to throw a wrench in Montreal's ability to do so and spark some offense that way. I mean... why else do you put the fourth line enforcer on Auston Matthews wing? The glorious scrambling settled into the following lines:

Martin - Matthews - Marner(!) Komarov - Kadri - Nylander Hyman - Marleau - Brown JvR - Bozak - Moore

I've bolded consistent scoring threats/combos. With the only two verifiable fourth liners distributed through the lineup, suddenly there's no fourth line. And honestly? It looked like there was no fourth line for the rest of the game.

Of all people, Ron Hainsey dealt the first wound. This is his first goal as a Leaf, and his tenth point this year. Not friggin' bad considering he has seventeen all last season.

Less than a minute later it's 2-0 on a nasty Nazem Kadri goal.

Only twenty-five seconds into the third, Connor Brown tips in a rebound to begin the absolute bloodbath. The crimes against Montreal are visually represented below in an xGF chart from Corsica.Hockey.

Chart from Corsica.Hockey

The empty dots are shots, filled are goals. This speaks to just how different the shot quality in the third was between the two teams. It honestly started to get mean around James van Riemsdyk's tip-in goal which brought the score to 4-0.

Now, this was Auston Matthews first game back, which was exciting. I've also been begging to see a Matthews/Marner combo all season. So, really there's only one thing that could turn this into Christmas Morning for me.

At 9:29 pm EST I sent the following two text messages to a friend:

- I really want Auston to get a goal. - They don't need it but I want it?

At 9:30 pm EST all my dreams came true. Then they came true again only a few minutes later. That's two goals for Auston and two primary assists for Mitch (and one really crazy through-the-legs pass for a secondary assist from Matt Martin because sure why not).

Gif Source

While Babcock says he plans to go back to their starting lines, I hope the success of these lines means he can keep them in his back pocket to throw out when they need a boost or avoid aggressive matchups.

After that fifth goal, Montreal pulled Lindgren and put Niemi in net. This marks the fourth goalie to be pulled against the Leafs. This means that in 19% of the games the Leafs have played, a goalie has been pulled. That's not a useful statistic but I thought everyone should know.

Lastly, something I didn't even realize until I sat down to write this today: All six of the Leafs goals were made at even strength. It's interesting because this team is known for their particularly lethal first power play unit, as well as generally high success with the man advantage. Last year they had the second-best power play in the league. This year their power play, while currently only 9th best in the league, is looking potentially even more dangerous.

Apparently, this team isn't a one trick pony, though. They currently have the most goals scored at 5v5 league-wide (53) as well as the highest 5v5 Goals For per 60 at 3.27. The fact that they're second overall in expected GF/60 speaks to a shocking level of potential sustainability as well. As briefly mentioned in the New Jersey report from Thursday, in spite of having a higher than average shooting percentage, the Leafs aren't really outperforming their expected success in the goal-scoring category. It'll be interesting to see how scary this team could be if their power play, which is currently first in xGF but only seventh in GF (underperforming), starts burying more goals again.

Anyway, while it seemed that Auston Matthews absence kicked the rest of this team into gear, his return only added to that spark. It was a fun night for Leafs fans in Montreal and the Leafs are on a six-game winning streak.

Gif Source

* - Montreal Canadiens General Manager, who is in some serious hot water based on dicey trades, risky contracts, and the fact that the Habs kind of suck right now. Montreal is not a city that tolerates suckage (technical term) well.

Statistics and visuals courtesy of Corsica.Hockey, hockeystats.ca, hockey-reference.com, and TheFlintor on twitter.

#filler1 #filler2 #filler3 #filler4 #filler5 #Leafs #Habs #Away #20172018 #110117

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flauntpage · 7 years ago

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DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Wes McCauley. The only referee on the planet who should ever be allowed near a microphone was at it again. I'd get in there if I were you, Nate.

The second star: Patrick Eaves. D'aawwww.

The first star: The Golden Knights Twitter… again. Good lord, rest of the NHL, how many times are we going to do this?

Guys, come on. This is like when Troy Crowder showed up in 1990 and started speedbagging everyone. Sure, you can understand catching the first few opponents off guard, but by now the scouting report is out. These folks are not playing. Stay down, NHL teams.

(Side note: Can we start wagering now on which thin-skinned owner will be the first to complain to the league about his team getting roasted on Twitter by the Knights? This feels like a Eugene Melnyk thing, but I'm open to other suggestions.)

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The NHL is using the preseason to crack down on two types of fouls: face-off violations and slashing. That's resulted in a ton of penalties being called, disrupting any sort of flow to the games and confusing fans and players alike. The outrage: Knock it off, NHL—we didn't wait all summer for hockey to come back just so we could watch you call a bunch of nitpicky penalties all night. Is it justified: For the face-off violations, sure. Those have been annoying, and seem like a weird thing for the league to be focusing on. NHL fans love to complain—some of us have entire podcasts for it—but I've never heard any paying customer argue that face-offs were a problem. I wrote a little bit about the face-off crackdown earlier this week, and my basic message was that we shouldn't panic yet because it will probably be short-lived. But if we get to November and we still have linesmen calling three or four of these things a game, we'll have a problem.

So yeah, the face-off thing is dicey. The slashing, though? Not remotely. It's about time the league took a stand on this one.

Two guys cheating on a face-off might turn the draw into a scrum, but it doesn't really hurt anyone. Cracking a guy across the hands with your stick? Yeah, that can do some damage. And there's no reason for it. Reaching out and slashing someone who beat you for position isn't a legitimate defensive tactic, no matter what guys like Jon Cooper say. There's no skill involved. And there's no entertainment value, either. At least a big open ice hit is fun to watch. Seeing a star player get hacked because he had the nerve to actually possess the puck doesn't help anyone.

Well, except for guys who are slow and out of position. Those are the guys who are apparently suffering here. OK…good. Let's phase those guys out. If they can't play defense without using their stick as a weapon, my guess is not too many of us will miss them. Let's swap in a few guys who can keep up with the play and aren't always a stick's length behind the better players.

For years, the NHL has been a league where simply having the puck on your stick meant you had to accept a few hacks across the wrist. It was the price of admission for actually trying to create some offense. It's been that way for so long that it's going to take some adjusting for players to stop reflexively swinging at anyone who skates by.

Will that be annoying for the first few weeks or months or however long it takes the players to figure this out? Definitely. Will penalty boxes occasionally look like this? Maybe. But it's a price worth paying to get this garbage out of the game, and to have it happen before Connor McDavid or Patrik Laine or whoever else gets their wrist broken. Complain all you want about the face-offs if the league actually sticks with it, but the slashing crackdown is long overdue.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Last week was the 30th anniversary of what many consider the greatest hockey game ever played: Team Canada vs. the Soviets in the deciding game of the 1987 Canada Cup, one that ended with Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux teaming up on their famous winner. The game was an incredible back-and-forth contest featuring an almost unimaginable amount of talent. I mean, just look at the starting lineups.

That's three Hockey Hall of Famers for the Soviets, plus two more guys who each had a strong cases of his own. And Canada has four guys who made it in on the first ballot, including two of the ten players in history who were such slam dunks that the customary waiting period was waived for them.

And then there's this week's obscure player: Doug Crossman.

Crossman was a sixth-round pick by the Hawks in the legendary double cohort draft of 1979. Weirdly, he went within five picks of not one but two other Obscure Player alumni, Bill McCreary and Rick Knickle. He'd make his NHL debut the following season, and spent three seasons in Chicago before being traded to the Flyers for legendary tough guy Behn Wilson. He spent five more years in Philadelphia before being traded to L.A. in 1988, which would signal the start of a five-year stretch in which he was traded six times for everyone from Ray Ferraro to Basil McRae. He was also claimed on waivers once, and ended up closing out his career in 1994 having played for eight teams, only two of which kept him for more than 100 games.

Crossman was a decent defenseman who could play in both ends. He never topped 60 points, but he was a +20 or better for three straight years in the mid 80s, and early in his career was a bit of an ironman. He was never an All-Star nor did he receive so much as a single Norris vote, but he was pretty good.

So… how did he wind up lining up next to the Canadian dream team in 1987?

The easiest answer is that he was a Flyer at the time, and his coach was Mike Keenan, who also happened to be running Team Canada. He'd been solid in Philadelphia and was coming off a big playoff year, and Keenan trusted him, so he made the team. Hey, it wouldn't be Team Canada without a weird pick or two. Besides, it's not like Canada was all that deep on defense that year. While they had future Hall of Famers Paul Coffey, Ray Bourque, and Larry Murphy, they also had to lean on guys like James Patrick, Craig Hartsburg, and Normand Rochefort.

All of those guys had to play a role for Canada to win, but only Crossman got to hear his name announced as a starter in one of the most star-studded games ever played.

Be It Resolved

There's a new trend going around the league. Various teams are holding open tryouts to fill the role of emergency backup goalies. Fans can show up, strut their stuff, and earn the job of backup to the backup.

The concept is getting rave reviews, and seems destined to spread across the league fairly quickly. It seems like the perfect way to give fans a shot at actually appearing in an NHL game. Who wouldn't get behind that? The whole idea is, as one observer put it, "freaking awesome."

Like hell it is. Faithful readers, this cannot stand.

Look, I love me a good EBUG, just like any fan should. The emergency backup goalie is one of those fun hockey oddities, one with a long and proud history. Sure, they never actually play (almost), but it's the mere possibility that makes it work. May the hockey gods bless the valiant emergency backup.

But the key word here is emergency. It's the chaos of an unexpected injury followed by a mad scramble to find someone, anyone, who knows how to hold a goalie stick that makes it fun. The guys who win these tryouts are going to be available at every game. Even worse, they're going to be good. Not NHL good, sure, but good enough not to embarrass themselves. Where's the fun in that?

I want to see some terrified dude hyperventilating into a paper bag on the bench. I want ushers and parking-lot attendants and web producers. I want to see the owner's deadbeat nephew shoved out there against his will. I want to see more scenes like Roberto Luongo stealing an ambulance to make a dramatic return from the hospital, Stone Cold Steve Austin-style, so that the goalie coach doesn't have to go in:

If this tryout thing catches on, we lose all that. Every rink will just have some former junior star in the press box, munching popcorn and waiting to see if he's needed. So be it resolved that we need to nip this in the bud. The noble EBUG has suddenly become an endangered species, and we need to save him—even if he never gets the chance to save anything for us.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

A cynic might suggest that the entire preseason schedule is just a massive cash grab, in which teams force fans to buy tickets to watch has-beens, never-will-bes, and PTOs signed specifically to circumvent the veteran roster rules, all playing in games in which nothing ever happens. Well, that's not completely accurate. I mean, almost all of it is. But while it's true that nothing important ever happens in the preseason, that doesn't mean nothing interesting ever happens. One example—OK, the only example—came exactly four years ago today.

So it's September 22, 2013, and the Sabres are visiting the Maple Leafs in preseason action. The score is…well, honestly it doesn't matter. But things are about to get goofy, so let's settle in and enjoy the dumbest line brawl in recent NHL history.

We open with play-by-play legend Joe Bowen informing us that Buffalo's John Scott is unhappy about something. If you're looking for backstory, here's what happened just before our clip begins. Long story short, the Sabres thought their guy had been victimized in a mismatch. Scott's their enforcer, so it's his job to exact some payback.

Unfortunately, he's lined up next to Phil Kessel, and The Code clearly states that he's not allowed to pummel a squishy-soft skill player. But Scott can do the next best thing, which is try to make Kessel poop his pants on live television.

Scott politely gives Kessel a heads-up on what's about to happen, at which point Kessel whips around like he just got a whiff of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls. I always thought Scott got a bit of a raw deal on all of this. You hear about how he "jumped" Kessel, but he never really did. Let's be honest, if Scott wanted to hurt Kessel, he absolutely could have. Instead, he basically gives him the "cat batting around a wounded mouse" treatment.

Kessel, of course, doesn't know this, so he immediately tries to break Scott's ankle with a golf swing slash. That's totally fine, by the way, as it's clearly self-defense. Then, after the cavalry arrives and Scott is fighting off two guys, Kessel circles back and hacks him again. That's, um, also self-defense? I would be a bad hockey lawyer.

None of the other Leafs player on the ice are fighters, so they basically gang-tackle Scott—who, it should be pointed out, is listed at 6'8" and 270 pounds. They do a pretty good job, too. Almost too good. Like, it seems like they may have an extra guy. Ah well, I'm sure that won't turn out to be important.

Meanwhile, Kessel pairs off with Brian Flynn for what will be only his second career NHL fight. And he…well, he kind of destroys him. Seriously. It's not quite Clark vs. Brooke, but by the end of it Flynn is leaking blood all over the ice. It will not shock you to learn that this remains Flynn's one and only NHL fight to this day. When Phil Kessel is splitting your face open like it's a jelly-filled donut, there's a good chance you're not very good at this.

Bowen does a reasonably good job on the call, although he's had better.

We get the now standard overhead view of the action, which reveals that all six Leafs seem to be handling business just fine. Wait a second, six? That seems high. Let's see if we can figure this out, now that all the fights are over and there's clearly nothing else that's going to happen.

Uh, did anyone notice anything odd in the lower right corner just there?

Huh, I could have sworn that looked like Leafs goalie Jonathan Bernier heading out of his net for some strange reason. Ah well, I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe he's going to get a drink of water or something.

No, he's apparently going to fight Ryan Miller, who speaks for all of us when he reacts by doing this:

As per Canadian law, Bowen immediately references the Felix Potvin vs. Ron Hextall superfight, which we broke down here. That one was the greatest goalie fight of all time. But this one isn't too bad once Miller finally decides to try. It's so entertaining that the other players forget that it's not 1986 and you're not allowed to crowd around to watch a fight.

As that scrap ends, we see Kessel go over and get one more jab on Scott, who's tangled up with David Clarkson. Wait, was Clarkson on the ice when all this started? He and Kessel play the same position, so it wouldn't make sense unless… oh. Oh no.

"All five players…all six players on the ice, including the goaltenders…" Keep counting, Joe.

After several replays, it's only in the final seconds of our clip that Bowen and friends put two and two together. Or more specifically, they put six and one together, and realize that Clarkson jumped on the ice during the brawl, even though the situation was already under control and he really had nothing to do once he arrived. That means that a player the Leafs have just paid a fortune to get has earned himself an automatic ten-game suspension before his first season even starts. Or, as Toronto fans now know it, "the high point of the David Clarkson era."

The epilogue here is that Kessel was suspended for three games, Clarkson never recovered, and Leaf fans loved Bernier right up until he started doing stuff like this. And to this day, Brian Flynn is afraid to go near a hot-dog cart.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years ago

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DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Wes McCauley. The only referee on the planet who should ever be allowed near a microphone was at it again. I’d get in there if I were you, Nate.

The second star: Patrick Eaves. D’aawwww.

The first star: The Golden Knights Twitter… again. Good lord, rest of the NHL, how many times are we going to do this?

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The NHL is using the preseason to crack down on two types of fouls: face-off violations and slashing. That’s resulted in a ton of penalties being called, disrupting any sort of flow to the games and confusing fans and players alike.

The outrage: Knock it off, NHL—we didn’t wait all summer for hockey to come back just so we could watch you call a bunch of nitpicky penalties all night.

Is it justified: For the face-off violations, sure. Those have been annoying, and seem like a weird thing for the league to be focusing on. NHL fans love to complain—some of us have entire podcasts for it—but I’ve never heard any paying customer argue that face-offs were a problem. I wrote a little bit about the face-off crackdown earlier this week, and my basic message was that we shouldn’t panic yet because it will probably be short-lived. But if we get to November and we still have linesmen calling three or four of these things a game, we’ll have a problem.

So yeah, the face-off thing is dicey. The slashing, though? Not remotely. It’s about time the league took a stand on this one.

Two guys cheating on a face-off might turn the draw into a scrum, but it doesn’t really hurt anyone. Cracking a guy across the hands with your stick? Yeah, that can do some damage. And there’s no reason for it. Reaching out and slashing someone who beat you for position isn’t a legitimate defensive tactic, no matter what guys like Jon Cooper say. There’s no skill involved. And there’s no entertainment value, either. At least a big open ice hit is fun to watch. Seeing a star player get hacked because he had the nerve to actually possess the puck doesn’t help anyone.

Well, except for guys who are slow and out of position. Those are the guys who are apparently suffering here. OK…good. Let’s phase those guys out. If they can’t play defense without using their stick as a weapon, my guess is not too many of us will miss them. Let’s swap in a few guys who can keep up with the play and aren’t always a stick’s length behind the better players.

For years, the NHL has been a league where simply having the puck on your stick meant you had to accept a few hacks across the wrist. It was the price of admission for actually trying to create some offense. It’s been that way for so long that it’s going to take some adjusting for players to stop reflexively swinging at anyone who skates by.

Will that be annoying for the first few weeks or months or however long it takes the players to figure this out? Definitely. Will penalty boxes occasionally look like this? Maybe. But it’s a price worth paying to get this garbage out of the game, and to have it happen before Connor McDavid or Patrik Laine or whoever else gets their wrist broken. Complain all you want about the face-offs if the league actually sticks with it, but the slashing crackdown is long overdue.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

That’s three Hockey Hall of Famers for the Soviets, plus two more guys who each had a strong cases of his own. And Canada has four guys who made it in on the first ballot, including two of the ten players in history who were such slam dunks that the customary waiting period was waived for them.

And then there’s this week’s obscure player: Doug Crossman.

Crossman was a sixth-round pick by the Hawks in the legendary double cohort draft of 1979. Weirdly, he went within five picks of not one but two other Obscure Player alumni, Bill McCreary and Rick Knickle. He’d make his NHL debut the following season, and spent three seasons in Chicago before being traded to the Flyers for legendary tough guy Behn Wilson. He spent five more years in Philadelphia before being traded to L.A. in 1988, which would signal the start of a five-year stretch in which he was traded six times for everyone from Ray Ferraro to Basil McRae. He was also claimed on waivers once, and ended up closing out his career in 1994 having played for eight teams, only two of which kept him for more than 100 games.

So… how did he wind up lining up next to the Canadian dream team in 1987?

The easiest answer is that he was a Flyer at the time, and his coach was Mike Keenan, who also happened to be running Team Canada. He’d been solid in Philadelphia and was coming off a big playoff year, and Keenan trusted him, so he made the team. Hey, it wouldn’t be Team Canada without a weird pick or two. Besides, it’s not like Canada was all that deep on defense that year. While they had future Hall of Famers Paul Coffey, Ray Bourque, and Larry Murphy, they also had to lean on guys like James Patrick, Craig Hartsburg, and Normand Rochefort.

All of those guys had to play a role for Canada to win, but only Crossman got to hear his name announced as a starter in one of the most star-studded games ever played.

Be It Resolved

There’s a new trend going around the league. Various teams are holding open tryouts to fill the role of emergency backup goalies. Fans can show up, strut their stuff, and earn the job of backup to the backup.

The concept is getting rave reviews, and seems destined to spread across the league fairly quickly. It seems like the perfect way to give fans a shot at actually appearing in an NHL game. Who wouldn’t get behind that? The whole idea is, as one observer put it, “freaking awesome.”

Like hell it is. Faithful readers, this cannot stand.

Look, I love me a good EBUG, just like any fan should. The emergency backup goalie is one of those fun hockey oddities, one with a long and proud history. Sure, they never actually play (almost), but it’s the mere possibility that makes it work. May the hockey gods bless the valiant emergency backup.

But the key word here is emergency. It’s the chaos of an unexpected injury followed by a mad scramble to find someone, anyone, who knows how to hold a goalie stick that makes it fun. The guys who win these tryouts are going to be available at every game. Even worse, they’re going to be good. Not NHL good, sure, but good enough not to embarrass themselves. Where’s the fun in that?

I want to see some terrified dude hyperventilating into a paper bag on the bench. I want ushers and parking-lot attendants and web producers. I want to see the owner’s deadbeat nephew shoved out there against his will. I want to see more scenes like Roberto Luongo stealing an ambulance to make a dramatic return from the hospital, Stone Cold Steve Austin-style, so that the goalie coach doesn’t have to go in:

If this tryout thing catches on, we lose all that. Every rink will just have some former junior star in the press box, munching popcorn and waiting to see if he’s needed. So be it resolved that we need to nip this in the bud. The noble EBUG has suddenly become an endangered species, and we need to save him—even if he never gets the chance to save anything for us.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

A cynic might suggest that the entire preseason schedule is just a massive cash grab, in which teams force fans to buy tickets to watch has-beens, never-will-bes, and PTOs signed specifically to circumvent the veteran roster rules, all playing in games in which nothing ever happens. Well, that’s not completely accurate. I mean, almost all of it is. But while it’s true that nothing important ever happens in the preseason, that doesn’t mean nothing interesting ever happens. One example—OK, the only example—came exactly four years ago today.

So it’s September 22, 2013, and the Sabres are visiting the Maple Leafs in preseason action. The score is…well, honestly it doesn’t matter. But things are about to get goofy, so let’s settle in and enjoy the dumbest line brawl in recent NHL history.

We open with play-by-play legend Joe Bowen informing us that Buffalo’s John Scott is unhappy about something. If you’re looking for backstory, here’s what happened just before our clip begins. Long story short, the Sabres thought their guy had been victimized in a mismatch. Scott’s their enforcer, so it’s his job to exact some payback.

Unfortunately, he’s lined up next to Phil Kessel, and The Code clearly states that he’s not allowed to pummel a squishy-soft skill player. But Scott can do the next best thing, which is try to make Kessel poop his pants on live television.

Scott politely gives Kessel a heads-up on what’s about to happen, at which point Kessel whips around like he just got a whiff of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls. I always thought Scott got a bit of a raw deal on all of this. You hear about how he “jumped” Kessel, but he never really did. Let’s be honest, if Scott wanted to hurt Kessel, he absolutely could have. Instead, he basically gives him the “cat batting around a wounded mouse” treatment.

Kessel, of course, doesn’t know this, so he immediately tries to break Scott’s ankle with a golf swing slash. That’s totally fine, by the way, as it’s clearly self-defense. Then, after the cavalry arrives and Scott is fighting off two guys, Kessel circles back and hacks him again. That’s, um, also self-defense? I would be a bad hockey lawyer.

None of the other Leafs player on the ice are fighters, so they basically gang-tackle Scott—who, it should be pointed out, is listed at 6’8″ and 270 pounds. They do a pretty good job, too. Almost too good. Like, it seems like they may have an extra guy. Ah well, I’m sure that won’t turn out to be important.

Meanwhile, Kessel pairs off with Brian Flynn for what will be only his second career NHL fight. And he…well, he kind of destroys him. Seriously. It’s not quite Clark vs. Brooke, but by the end of it Flynn is leaking blood all over the ice. It will not shock you to learn that this remains Flynn’s one and only NHL fight to this day. When Phil Kessel is splitting your face open like it’s a jelly-filled donut, there’s a good chance you’re not very good at this.

Bowen does a reasonably good job on the call, although he’s had better.

We get the now standard overhead view of the action, which reveals that all six Leafs seem to be handling business just fine. Wait a second, six? That seems high. Let’s see if we can figure this out, now that all the fights are over and there’s clearly nothing else that’s going to happen.

Uh, did anyone notice anything odd in the lower right corner just there?

Huh, I could have sworn that looked like Leafs goalie Jonathan Bernier heading out of his net for some strange reason. Ah well, I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe he’s going to get a drink of water or something.

No, he’s apparently going to fight Ryan Miller, who speaks for all of us when he reacts by doing this:

As per Canadian law, Bowen immediately references the Felix Potvin vs. Ron Hextall superfight, which we broke down here. That one was the greatest goalie fight of all time. But this one isn’t too bad once Miller finally decides to try. It’s so entertaining that the other players forget that it’s not 1986 and you’re not allowed to crowd around to watch a fight.

As that scrap ends, we see Kessel go over and get one more jab on Scott, who’s tangled up with David Clarkson. Wait, was Clarkson on the ice when all this started? He and Kessel play the same position, so it wouldn’t make sense unless… oh. Oh no.

“All five players…all six players on the ice, including the goaltenders…” Keep counting, Joe.

After several replays, it’s only in the final seconds of our clip that Bowen and friends put two and two together. Or more specifically, they put six and one together, and realize that Clarkson jumped on the ice during the brawl, even though the situation was already under control and he really had nothing to do once he arrived. That means that a player the Leafs have just paid a fortune to get has earned himself an automatic ten-game suspension before his first season even starts. Or, as Toronto fans now know it, “the high point of the David Clarkson era.”

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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thrashermaxey · 7 years ago

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Ramblings: Henrik Panic? (Feb 9)

Henrik Lundqvist’s miserable couple of weeks have fantasy owners panicked. I am currently in trade talks with the Lundqvist owner in my 14-team one-year league. His other goalie is Devan Dubnyk and he wants a piece of my Andrei Vasilevskiy/Connor Hellebuyck/Carter Hutton trio. I sense an opportunity here.

Mind you, my team is barely hanging in the playoff chase because I went deep on goaltenders and for a while the wrong ones. I need offense. Good spot for a win-win trade as he’s loaded with guys like Johnny Gaudreau, Nikita Kucherov, Jonathan Marchessault (who I dropped after a slow first few games, OOPS!), Sean Couturier and Anze Kopitar. We’ll see what shakes out.

The takeaway: consider approaching the Lundqvist owner if you are loaded in goal. His apparent demise is perfectly timed with fantasy hockey trade deadlines rapidly approaching.

Brad Marchand returned from his suspension resetting the Bruins’ lines to normal:

#1 27.4% BERGERON,PATRICE – MARCHAND,BRAD – PASTRNAK,DAVID

#2 18.6% DEBRUSK,JAKE – KREJCI,DAVID – SPOONER,RYAN

#3 18.1% CZARNIK,AUSTIN – KURALY,SEAN – SCHALLER,TIM

#4 18.1% BACKES,DAVID – HEINEN,DANTON – NASH,RILEY

That top line is unreal, and they’ve been able to keep it together because of the emergence of guys like Danton Heinen and Jake DeBrusk. These guys would be Cup favourites if they had taken Mat Barzal with one of those three straight first rounders with which they took DeBrusk, but at least they got a good one out of that group. Unless you are a Bruins fan, you thank the hockey gods that they didn’t take Barzal. The potential rookie cohort of Heinen, DeBrusk, Barzal and Charlie McAvoy would have rivalled the trio Toronto boasted last season.

Heinen, by the way, extended his scoring streak to three games, but was almost entirely shut out of PP usage.

Boston is a team I am high on in general due to a favourable schedule during head-to-head playoffs. We didn’t luck out with the Bruins/Panthers game getting injected into the standard H2H playoff window from March 5-25. In fact, with that game now slated for the day after the season was slated to end, many leagues may not extend to that extra date. That extra game may not be meaningful anyhow. The Bruins could be fully locked into their spot by then and looking to rest guys for the playoffs.

In any case, the Bruins play 11 games from March 5-25, one of just six teams with that many games. If you’re talking trades these guys are ones to load up on, though it may be too late. Bergeron is as hot a goal scorer as you’ll find with 16 goals in the last 19 games.

I scooped up Anton Khudobin this week to take advantage of Boston’s two back-to-backs. One is out of the way with Khudobin earning a win, but he’ll get one more for sure with another back-to-back this weekend. Next week is a shallow week for Boston with just two games, but you could pull this trick again on the week of February 19-25.

Khudobin would be worth more if Tuukka Rask weren’t on an incredible run having lost just two games since the start of December, neither in regulation. So take advantage of these rare back-to-back opportunities where you can.

More heroics from Frederik Andersen:

{source} <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">FREDDY <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/RogersNHLLive?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#RogersNHLLive</a> <a href="https://t.co/YvHUFFx4Cu">pic.twitter.com/YvHUFFx4Cu</a></p>— Rogers NHL LIVE (@RogersNHLLive) <a href="https://twitter.com/RogersNHLLive/status/961438564180348928?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 8, 2018</a></blockquote>

I don’t know if eyes have groins, but I think I pulled my eye groin watching that.

Freddie clearly showing no ill-effects of that skate to the head that knocked him out of Monday’s action stopping 44 of 46 shots for a shootout victory.

Some telling info on how Kasperi Kapanen will be used in the near future:

{source} <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Mike Babcock on message to Kapanen about being on PK last year: <br><br>"Well, I just said, 'That's the way you're going to play in the NHL.' We've told Borgy the same thing. You're not playing on the PP so better find a way to make yourself important."</p>— Mark Masters (@markhmasters) <a href="https://twitter.com/markhmasters/status/961450533478256640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 8, 2018</a></blockquote>

That shouldn’t instill too much confidence for fantasy owners, but at least it appears that Kapanen is here to stay. His speed dynamic fits right into today’s game and could make him a Grabner-esque threat if he isn’t going to get a more offensive role.

More magic from Connor McDavid:

{source} <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">.<a href="https://twitter.com/cmcdavid97?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@cmcdavid97</a> never ceases to amaze. <a href="https://t.co/m8fKEdrm0m">pic.twitter.com/m8fKEdrm0m</a></p>— NHL GIFs (@NHLGIFs) <a href="https://twitter.com/NHLGIFs/status/961463111927697413?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 8, 2018</a></blockquote>

The highlight reel McDavid is compiling against Drew Doughty is single-handedly going to drive him to the Leafs in next summer’s free agency.

McDavid is now alone in third in league scoring, just three back of Nikita Kucherov. Is there any doubt that he’ll catch Kucherov?

We saw a potentially lethal trio of McDavid, Leon Draisaitl and Jesse Puljujarvi last night, but I have little confidence in any line sticking for the Oilers.

Stacking the lines like that won’t do any good for the ice-cold Milan Lucic who hasn’t scored a goal since before Christmas. His goalless run is up to 16 games, a stretch in which he has only three assists. This is year two of a seven-year $42M pact that everyone knew was horrible before the ink was dry. Lucic did hit the post twice last night, so he’s getting chances, but I am uninterested if he’s not skating with McDavid.

Tyler Toffoli is suffering through a similar drought now having failed to score a goal in 11 straight games. He has just one assist in that stretch. I wonder if there’s an underlying injury here, because he has been skating with Anze Kopitar quite a bit. His PP time does come and go, but he was on the top unit last night.

Toffoli started out very strong with 17 goals and 29 points through the first 41 games of the season, mostly without Jeff Carter so we can’t use that excuse. Sure, scoring has slowed after a crazy first month, but it’s not like Toffoli’s scoring came from the big PP boost we saw at the start anyhow. I’m at a loss to explain this one so perhaps the move is to try and buy off of a panicky owner.

Shea Weber skated for the first time since December, but still does not have a timeline for his return.

It’s worth mentioning how much Montreal’s power play has improved without Weber:

Since Weber was sidelined on Dec. 16, the Canadiens have iced one of the best man-advantages in the league, with a 12.7-per-cent improvement in scoring efficiency. It’s not that Weber is a bad player on the power play — in fact, he’s excellent — but the Canadiens tended to use him as a crutch during the man-advantage. With Weber out of the lineup, they’ve been forced to diversify their strategies and become a little more creative.

Check out their top scorers from this 20-game stretch:

Points

PPP

PPP%

Max Pacioretty

40%

Jeff Petry

57%

Alex Galchenyuk

54%

Brendan Gallagher

36%

Paul Byron

20%

Jonathan Drouin

56%

Charles Hudon

43%

I doubt anyone will argue that getting Weber back would help the Canadiens. I do wonder if getting him back and deploying him back on the power play is a mistake. This could drastically reduce Weber’s fantasy value, but could help some of their forwards, particularly if Weber can help the team improve at 5-on-5. This could be particularly helpful to power-play reliant guys like Drouin and Galchenyuk.

Here’s the skinny on the Panthers’ goaltending situation:

{source}<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">The <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/FlaPanthers?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#FlaPanthers</a> have sent Sam Montembeault back to AHL Springfield. Reimer should be good to go on Friday, but guessing Sateri stays in net.</p>— David Dwork (@DavidDwork) <a href="https://twitter.com/DavidDwork/status/961303219396804608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 7, 2018</a></blockquote>

I was a noted non-believer in Harri Sateri, but I always note that ANY goaltender can go on a hot run. With only six goals allowed on a four-game winning streak, this has been his.

Jonas Brodin is set to miss 3-4 weeks with a broken hand. He hasn’t been overly relevant for fantasy owners but had scored eight points in 14 games since the start of January. That mini hot streak is dead now and the options to replace him (Mike Reilly and Gustav Olofsson) leave a lot to be desired. Perhaps we will simply see more of Jared Spurgeon and Ryan Suter.

Alex Burrows was suspended for 10 games for his fit of insanity against Taylor Hall the other night. Fully deserved. Burrows isn’t particularly fantasy relevant, but his absence could be enough to keep Colin White in the lineup as Mark Stone and Derick Brassard appear set to return soon.

Goodies from Elliotte Friedman’s latest 31 Thoughts:

19. Opponents can see that Ryan Kesler is really gutting it out.

We all knew it would take Kesler some time to get back to full speed, but we’re over a month into his return and it is not yet working out. His minutes have dropped significantly from 21:18 to 17:49 per game, the latter being the fewest the multi-purpose forward has averaged since his early Canuck years.

His peripherals remain strong averaging roughly 1.0 PIM, 1.0 blocked shots, 2.0 hits and 2.0 SOG per game, but the latter two categories have typically been stronger. Where fantasy owners have really felt it is in a lack of scoring, where he has only seven points in 18 games. That’s a sub-40-point pace, although not far enough off to be damning. In a lot of leagues even a 40-point pace will send you to the waiver wire, but in multi-category settings he offers enough that even just that level of scoring will have him relevant.

Particularly damning against Kesler is a reduction in power play time, where he scored 20 points, a third of last season’s total production. Adam Henrique has effectively grabbed those minutes and may not give them up.

The real concern is long-term, however. Father time comes for every player, and it is impressive that Kesler had as good of a season as he did at age 32. Now 33 and gritting through coming off of hip surgery, is Kesler pushing himself towards a debilitating condition that won’t go away?

I’ve got Kesler in a keeper league where I am rebuilding, and I’m just going to hang onto him unless I get a return reflective of the multi-category monster that Kesler can be. It’s a better gamble than accepting the reduced offers reflective of his injury situation.

As for one-year folks. If Kesler’s strong floor of multi-category offerings aren’t doing enough for you, then he’s looking more like waiver fodder.

11. Three others to keep an eye on: Chicago needs cap relief. With Brandon Saad dropped down the lineup, wonder if they look to give him a fresh start somewhere else. Another who fits the same profile is Boone Jenner of Columbus. He’s shooting 4.4 per cent, by far the worst of his career.

I’m wary of giving up on unlucky players, but the Blue Jackets have major contractual decisions to make and he’s up after this season. He’s arbitration-eligible, too. Arizona’s Tobias Rieder is another arbitration-eligible player. His numbers are down and he was a healthy scratch on Tuesday, but there’s more there. Not sure those are in-season moves, but they stick out to me.

I’m not so interested in Rieder, but both Saad and Jenner are buy low options I’ve discussed all season.

Like Kesler above, both Saad (shot-volume) and Jenner (shot-volume, hits and PIM) have a history of decent scoring and tremendous multi-category value. This year may not be the year for them, but both are plenty young enough (25 and 24 respectively) to bounce-back big.

The Blackhawks decision to trade Artemi Panarin to get Saad back isn’t looking great, but it’s worth mentioning that both players are suffering through sub-standard performance, at least in terms of 5-on-5 production:

Saad

Panarin

2015/16

2.23

2.14

2016/17

2.28

2.15

2017/18

1.67

1.78

The main difference for these two has been in power-play production where Panarin leads the Blue Jackets with 13 PP points, while Saad has just one PP point.

Perhaps this was predictable. Saad has never been a strong power play guy, while Panarin put up 41 PP points in two seasons with the Blackhawks. The Blackhawks have tried Saad a ton on their power play, but it hasn’t worked. Outside of the loss of Corey Crawford, the main contributing factor to the Blackhawks’ dwindling playoff odds is a feeble power play sitting at 29th in efficiency.

I’d contend that the theory behind the deal still holds. Power play performance can vary quite a bit from year to year, so struggles in this area shouldn’t hinge on the impact of one player. Plus, the Blackhawks had plenty of skill guys like Nick Schmaltz, Alex DeBrincat and Vinny Hinostroza capable of filling in for a good chunk of Panarin’s special teams value.

Saad was brought in to help elevate Jonathan Toews, and while he hasn’t held up his end of the bargain, there was no foreseeing a player who scored at a first-line rate for his entire career suddenly falling off at 25. The fact that Saad is under contract for three more years versus Panarin’s one made this a longer-term bet for the franchise as well. It would seemingly be myopic for them to now consider flipping him at the lowest level of his career, not dissimilar to what the Oilers did with Jordan Eberle.

I would bet strongly on Saad rebounding to above 2.0 points/60 at 5-on-5 next season. He may even get back to offering some modest value as a secondary PP guy (think 5-10 PP points). That would be enough to push him back into the mix as a 50-55 -point guy with 200+ shot value. That type of production is relevant in most every league.

{source}<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">No coach has been fired in the NHL yet… and that's rare. In every season since 1966-67, there has been at least one coaching change by this point in the season. (per <a href="https://twitter.com/EliasSports?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@EliasSports</a>)</p>— Emily Kaplan (@emilymkaplan) <a href="https://twitter.com/emilymkaplan/status/961278560290918402?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 7, 2018</a></blockquote>

Typically, teams have to hit unsustainable lows for a coach to get fired. I wonder if GMs have caught on?

Thanks for reading! You can follow me @SteveLaidlaw.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-henrik-panic-feb-9/

0 notes

flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Wes McCauley. The only referee on the planet who should ever be allowed near a microphone was at it again. I'd get in there if I were you, Nate.

The second star: Patrick Eaves. D'aawwww.

The first star: The Golden Knights Twitter… again. Good lord, rest of the NHL, how many times are we going to do this?

Outrage of the Week

So yeah, the face-off thing is dicey. The slashing, though? Not remotely. It's about time the league took a stand on this one.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

And then there's this week's obscure player: Doug Crossman.

So… how did he wind up lining up next to the Canadian dream team in 1987?

All of those guys had to play a role for Canada to win, but only Crossman got to hear his name announced as a starter in one of the most star-studded games ever played.

Be It Resolved

Like hell it is. Faithful readers, this cannot stand.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Bowen does a reasonably good job on the call, although he's had better.

Uh, did anyone notice anything odd in the lower right corner just there?

No, he's apparently going to fight Ryan Miller, who speaks for all of us when he reacts by doing this:

"All five players…all six players on the ice, including the goaltenders…" Keep counting, Joe.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes

flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Wes McCauley. The only referee on the planet who should ever be allowed near a microphone was at it again. I'd get in there if I were you, Nate.

The second star: Patrick Eaves. D'aawwww.

The first star: The Golden Knights Twitter… again. Good lord, rest of the NHL, how many times are we going to do this?

Outrage of the Week

So yeah, the face-off thing is dicey. The slashing, though? Not remotely. It's about time the league took a stand on this one.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

And then there's this week's obscure player: Doug Crossman.

So… how did he wind up lining up next to the Canadian dream team in 1987?

All of those guys had to play a role for Canada to win, but only Crossman got to hear his name announced as a starter in one of the most star-studded games ever played.

Be It Resolved

Like hell it is. Faithful readers, this cannot stand.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Bowen does a reasonably good job on the call, although he's had better.

Uh, did anyone notice anything odd in the lower right corner just there?

No, he's apparently going to fight Ryan Miller, who speaks for all of us when he reacts by doing this:

"All five players…all six players on the ice, including the goaltenders…" Keep counting, Joe.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes

flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Wes McCauley. The only referee on the planet who should ever be allowed near a microphone was at it again. I'd get in there if I were you, Nate.

The second star: Patrick Eaves. D'aawwww.

The first star: The Golden Knights Twitter… again. Good lord, rest of the NHL, how many times are we going to do this?

Outrage of the Week

So yeah, the face-off thing is dicey. The slashing, though? Not remotely. It's about time the league took a stand on this one.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

And then there's this week's obscure player: Doug Crossman.

So… how did he wind up lining up next to the Canadian dream team in 1987?

All of those guys had to play a role for Canada to win, but only Crossman got to hear his name announced as a starter in one of the most star-studded games ever played.

Be It Resolved

Like hell it is. Faithful readers, this cannot stand.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Bowen does a reasonably good job on the call, although he's had better.

Uh, did anyone notice anything odd in the lower right corner just there?

No, he's apparently going to fight Ryan Miller, who speaks for all of us when he reacts by doing this:

"All five players…all six players on the ice, including the goaltenders…" Keep counting, Joe.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes

flauntpage · 7 years ago

Text

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Wes McCauley. The only referee on the planet who should ever be allowed near a microphone was at it again. I'd get in there if I were you, Nate.

The second star: Patrick Eaves. D'aawwww.

The first star: The Golden Knights Twitter… again. Good lord, rest of the NHL, how many times are we going to do this?

Outrage of the Week

So yeah, the face-off thing is dicey. The slashing, though? Not remotely. It's about time the league took a stand on this one.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

And then there's this week's obscure player: Doug Crossman.

So… how did he wind up lining up next to the Canadian dream team in 1987?

All of those guys had to play a role for Canada to win, but only Crossman got to hear his name announced as a starter in one of the most star-studded games ever played.

Be It Resolved

Like hell it is. Faithful readers, this cannot stand.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Bowen does a reasonably good job on the call, although he's had better.

Uh, did anyone notice anything odd in the lower right corner just there?

No, he's apparently going to fight Ryan Miller, who speaks for all of us when he reacts by doing this:

"All five players…all six players on the ice, including the goaltenders…" Keep counting, Joe.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Recalling a Preseason Line Brawl and Nonsense Face-Off Penalties published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

0 notes